Poprocks and Coke

[snowangel]

Name: Stephanie
Strong points: Empathy/telepathy
Weak points: Shielding, attention issues

Maybe it was Charlie getting a headache from me and Kirsten building off of each other's hyperness that did it. Or Matt showing up on Friday and making a couple odd comments when I dragged him outside the shoppe to tell him what he should not be saying around those in the "psionics campaign" during such strangeness. Or more likely yet, having everyone in the group stare at me when I let it slip that I still don't know how to shield. But I need to fix that.

My current ways of dealing with overloads are cringeworthy, even to myself. If things get too bad I will either pick someone to build off of and do so until the headache goes away, pull someone aside so they can vent, or feign cramps. In that order. Do -not- do the first mentioned, it is rude as all get out.

08-25/07
I like most anime music, and will not hesitate to use a couple tunes from Mai Hime or whatever floats my boat. Somehow it didn't dawn on me until I decided to use the lyrics of one of said songs on my blog that they might not mesh the best with such a purpose. After a bit of checking out my favorites, I decided that Kajiura was Japanese for "probably should not listen to before trying to shield" and that I would do well to find some new tunes for such a purpose.

So now I am trying to find my old copy of Tranceport 3 and that mix cd with Flutterby on it. And needless to say, not using anime music for meditating unless I find the lyrics passable. Nonsense lyrics seem to be rarely passable, and just because the only one with a warning label that proved to be usable had such doesn't mean squat.

[snowind]

Cool, I've never been on a Psionics Campaign ... I wish I could, although I don't know any psions in my city , nor in my country as a matter of fact....

[tkman]

well you dont know that for sures someone has to be learning this in you country

[snowangel]

08-26/07

Dad's been sick with worry about Mom's thyroid issue and hasn't quite made the connection between his malady and the reason for her appointment on Tuesday. I only hope that I don't have to step in and do some strange things to make sure she gets there on time. She's got this bad habit of being insanely late for anything and everything. Back in high school, I threatened to quit the Knowledge Bowl team if she and Dad couldn't get it together enough to give me a ride after practice let out. So I figured that I needed to pull Dad aside and let him talk about it until he could get some decent sleep.

Wrong. After about an hour of feeling like a hawk who's spent their time in captivity littering the floor with their feathers that fell out from slamming themself against the walls of their cage, I decided this was one of those situations where it would be better to either hole up at a friend's house or try to figure out how to shield for once. Not cloak, but actually shield. All that cloaking will do is make it harder for someone to find me and share their misery.

I parked myself and my lappy outside and plugged it into the outside outlet. There's something about having someone take a peekie at me surfing this forum that makes it hard to concentrate on much of anything. As I glanced over at one of the plants that survived the drier parts of this summer, I realized why my old attempts failed. Even as I thought about shutting things out, I was still looking for others who deal with this stuff. So then my mind shifted away from other people, period. The result was on the wimpy side and my dad's worry was still seeping though by the bucketload, but then again he has a knack for saying things once and having me hear them twice.

More practice is very much in order.

What I meant by "psionics pampaign" should be clarified. Me and a lot of my friends play D&D, and one of the campaigns I'm in is this really boring one about a warrior school whose new headmaster seems to have acquired his job by interesting means. The only reason I'm still in it is that our DM has managed to find at least a good chunk of the psions in this town and gotten them to join his campaign. The things that happen when he tells Dave to run it cause he can't show up are just awesome. "Chris, would you get those two to calm down?" "Sure." A bit later, guess who's bouncing off the walls.


I recently ran into Joe, an ex-friend who first introduced me to the idea that there might be more than one psion in this town. After not seeing him for a while, it started to dawn on me that he's probably got a bit of fluffiness on his part. I was half right. He seems to be one of those people who will say they're doing something to get attention and actually does what they say but have no idea that they're telling the truth. Given the sort of stuff he has in a way acknowledged that he would do with it, there's no way he's finding out from me that he only half lied.

[Amodia]

I know one in my hood that is in to this stuff, but he scares me.

[snowangel]

08-28/07

Me and Charlie went out on a date Monday night, and it dawned on me as I touched up my eyeliner it dawned on me that to function in the places it would be used in might be asking too much of a shield. Snowind, I am sure there are other psions at least in your country. I mean, I can name a mess of psions who live within a half hour's drive from here and this is hardly some sprawling city like New York.

And there lies the problem. What I need to whip up is a shield designed to deal with the static noise of other psions, not normal folk. This is going to need more programming of a sort I'm far from familiar with, if this is even possible. Eh, it is possible. Question is, can it be done in such a way to make it more practical than encouraging my groupmates to vent?

Dad made it to work tonight, seems like our talk helped. He talked about what was bugging him and I made him use the C-word since it kinda clicked in my head that telling Stephanie had made it onto his list of things he wasn't looking forward to doing. Okay, so I kinda went looking. But to me, inaction is an action and if someone I know is in pain because I haven't the guts to do what I can to help I will be regretting it later.

Oh. And Charlie agrees that someone in our group has more fluff than the cast of Watership Down. Bunnies!!!

[snowangel]

08-31/07

I feel like a sophomore in high school again for no apparent reason. Things like low rider pants and heels at all times of the year appeal. And to some weird part of me, cloaking whenever I feel too awkward or nervous. Which meant I wasn't exactly part of the group's randomness at the Olive Garden on Thursday night. I wouldn't call that reason to consciously throw up that thing, but that's not the part of me in charge of that. Note to self: quit hanging around Zach. He's an issue on legs and could probably outdo The Ex in the wrong situation. I have got to get a grip on that cloak.

Still no word on Mom's thyroid issue, and I'm betting that if they found anything nasty on that ultrasound they wouldn't tell me. And if that was the case it would sure explain a few things. I hate it when they do this.

Raven needs to quit thinking everything to death and start doing something with what he has instead of trying to twist it into knot after knot. He's another empath, and his favorite thing to do about this is not to help others, shield out everything, or even to try shutting it off. He likes to debate himself on whether it's okay to use. This guy is probably the only one in the group who's somewhat grateful for me being a loopy chipmunk for the next week or however long it takes for yoinked wisdom teeth to start feeling close to okay.

This is not going to be fun.

[snowangel]

09-02/07

This thing is trying to turn into a normal journal. *smacks self* Argh! Well, at least I'm not loopy from those painkillers so I can get something done. Like think of what I'm going to say to Raven next time I see him. I can understand not using shields, especially in a psionics heavy setting. The things simply aren't worth the energy you put into them. I can even understand not using normal shielding, period. But if he won't shield he better be tearing out of the room whenever someone is having issues so he doesn't make things worse.

Yesterday I got poked awake by undertaker and I didn't put two and two together until now and figure out that someone was trying to get my attention. Probably because I'm not used to being woke up that way. Don't worry, I'm not mad. I poked him back and realized about a minute later that if said poke worked I probably woke him up. Which would be funny in an odd way but at the same time kinda sad. And yes, I will be practicing with him if we can pick a time to practice.

Chippy's going to go shopping today, probably pick herself up some new earrings. I was taking a shower this morning and felt one slip out. I pulled up the drain cover and saw a little pink ball and hoop go down. This was followed by much swearing, cause gauged earrings aren't cheap. Chippy was supposed to wear them at someone's wedding. Hope Spencer's still has that sale going on. If they don't I'll probably go pick some up at the Fetus and knowing me a mess of incense while I'm at it.

Undertaker, don't worry about waking me up, it doesn't really bother me. Honest.

[snowangel]

09-04/07

I've got a wedding to attend in three days, and this is not going to be a picnic. Knowing me, I will likelier than not be spending most of that day pretending to struggle with lipstick and a mascara wand while half the relatives are busy making like they aren't barely able to stand each other. And wishing I could cloak a pair of flats. Haha, I wish I could do that on purpose. But if I did, how would I be able to find them after I got a nice fire going to huck them in?

There will not be a decent place to ground at the wedding when things go wrong. Well, there is still is that one thing I could do, but I'd sooner splatter half the wedding than use that. Besides, I promised her I would not use it except as a last resort. I wonder if it would be breaking said promise to base some shield programming off one. I am going to give this one last try on my own, but if I can't do it, I will cave in and take someone up on their offer to help.

[snowangel]

09-08/07

Shielding issue has been fixed - by my twelve year old cousin. After about a half hour at the reception I was already out the door feeling sick. I grounded, some woman on her cigarette break stared at me as I did this. Went back in to find my cousin, and she asked what was wrong. Too many people, I told her. Not too long after that the noise went down. I looked over and she was on her way to the bathroom. After checking out what was done, I figured out that a) this was her doing, b) I should have been programming in use of outside energy and a repair function, and c) part of me must like to down my own shields.

Next time I see her, I might make some odd crack about her being good at dealing with large groups of people. That is, if she doesn't corner me at my grad party. Which is not going to be fun either since going by who got invited this is going to be worse than Brandon's psionics campaign. At least in that group we've got someone who can do something if things go downhill. And I don't mean our DM, he doesn't even know this is going on. Though I think he would be very good at that as someone who knew how to do stuff but never did it himself. He'd just need someone to teach him.

[snowangel]

09-11/07

Sammie's campfire special got a road test on Monday, and so far it's barely passing. Then again, I was skipping some large chunks of the original programming so that might have something to do with it. Still, anything that gets that guy's blasting down that much is pretty good. The real test of this thing will come on Friday, when Brandon runs his campaign. That bunch is... yeesh. I like them, but all at once is too much. Maybe it's too much to hope for but it would be nice if Raven would show up and at least try to not hang up all his dirty laundry.

Oh joy... I think I just figured out why I've needed to ground seven times in the last six days.

[snowangel]

09-28/07

Haven't really posted here in a while, didn't really have something worth noting. Aside from the Reiki book camping out in our DM's trunk. Charlie thinks I was a bit nosy for even looking, but what do you think I'm gonna do if we're out helping him slap on a spare tire and I'm the queen of useless. He completely missed what me and Kirsten took about five seconds to get. This is the same guy who pulled together the psionics campaign where nobody uses power points. Like we're buying that the book belongs to his wife.

I'm back to running around unshielded for the most part. Yes, I can shield halfway decent now. But no, I don't find the perks to be greater than the downsides of using one. They feel to me like little dampers. *shudder, shudder* Even my cousin's. Looks like I'm back to using alternatives. My next project is going to be something along the lines of making stuff easier to tune out. I do that a little as part of something I came up with a while back, but the other half of that tactic is rude under nearly all circumstances. Loudest person doesn't get a headache... *cringe*

The doctor finally called back with the biopsy results. Things are going somewhere in a handbasket. Too bad Riverside Cafe doesn't have one of those frequent diner punch cards.

[snowangel]

11-1/07

Seeing old friends is a good thing, right? Wrong. Me and Chris and Amy went out to Kirt's cause things at her place were getting weird and she needed help. Things went okay and I went home to crash. Next morning, I get up early and about noonish I get a really odd call from Kirt. Turned out our random muckings with psionics worked too well and she was doing quite a few things that me and the third girl involved normally do and had no idea about. I got grouchy over a couple puppies that misbehaved for her, stuff like that. Kirt got a ribbon and frilly shirt she can't stand since things went mostly back to normal.

It's been about a month since that night, and we're still dealing with the aftereffects. I crank at people because something ticked her off. She listens to enough bubblegum pop pretty much all the D&D people know something isn't right. But as messy as it was, I don't regret it.

Before I get one of the campaign people looking at this and getting confused, I will note that Amy was not the third girl.

[pchuownsu]

how have you been prgressing?

[snowangel]

11-13/07

Things are hitting the fan as usual. Me and Kirt have concluded that
this is not going to get undone for a looong time. So we're learning to live with it. Third person unmentioned thinks it can, I suspect by her near-constant hinting that someone wanted it. She's been busy cooking up theories on the assumption that this happened with no outside interference. Translation: we did it ourselves. And needless to say, she been busy dodging kiffles too.

Boyfriend's evil crazy of a mom did some stupid things lately, and I am starting to believe people really do overuse profanity, because I keep finding your staple curse words do not quite hit the mark. Evil thing did this half a week ago, and a fog seems to have decended on my room. Probably because it's been like the psionic equivalent of certain parts of California lately, takes every scrap of dirtied up air energy and keeps it there for ages. Gotta keep the door open if it's to ever get out, and I don't like doing that because there's a lot of stuff in there people don't need to see.

Also tested out some healing sorts of stuff. Someone's ability to handle caffeine went buh-bye on them and apparently it now takes a large cappuchino to cause all manner of strange. It worked well enough, but what nobody ever tells you is that once you chase out messed up energies they -will- be going somewhere. Clean up after yourself or the place is going to feel like whatever it was you pulled out until it vents out. If that place actually vents. Some do, some do not. I'm embarassed to say a few psions in this one club on campus were cleaning up after my sophomore butt because I didn't a couple years back.

Things are getting erratic again. Let's just say I probably won't be the one needing a shield pretty soon. Speaking of shields, I partly pieced together something I can run without wanting to narf the thing out of existance. It's a sort of blow it off filter that I can set to ignore the three people who cause nine tenths of the nonsense that will make me want to line people up and whapp them with a rolled up newspaper. Still has its issues, but it works for the most part. I apologize to Brilenus, who has offered to help me with the shielding issue. I don't mean to come off as rude, and I am sorry if I have. This is simply something I would like to deal with on my own.