Post by blacky0018 on Oct 10, 2007 7:55:54 GMT -5
Hey guys, at english class we get assignments to finish a story and well my teacher said that i write them quite nice ^^;
And i just wanted a second opinion hehe
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The Haunted house
Kevin had a paper round. Every morning he got up early, had breakfast and then went to do his paper round.
This morning, however when he was approaching the big house near the forest. He thought that something strange was going on. He heard a funny sound coming from the house and the door was open. He decided to have a look and quietly the door slammed shut. For a moment he stood still and looked behind him….. it was really shut. He was locked in the house.
Again he heard a noise. It seemed to come from that room over there. He carefully opened the door to look in. There was nobody there but he saw a diary lying on the desk. It lay there as if someone has been writing in it but had suddenly been called away.
He read: ‘I sometimes wonder whether anyone would believe me about this, I don’t want to get anyone into trouble…. God help me if anyone find out about this!’
He was shocked. He sat down on the bed to think it all over and decided to continue reading the diary.
‘The thing I called from the astral plane is far beyond what humans are capable of. It looked so innocent but I never meant to be it like this, how can something so small so tender become so big and aggressive.’
Kevin thought what it could be, since there isn’t written more in the diary.
He decided to take the diary with him and walk trough the house, he was locked up anyway so what did he had to loose in the first place.
He walked trough the door to the hall, it was one big maze of doors and behind every door there could be anything.
He took the hall to the left and walked straight to it, after a while he started to feel like it was never going to end.
Until he bashed up to a wall, out of nowhere! He scratched his head and saw another door.
It was big made out of a massive strong wood with strange signs carved in it, he tried to read some of them but… he failed.
He opened the door a little and looked at the room, but it was too dark he could hardly see his own hands.
He tried to feel a light button by using his senses…when he came a bit more into the room, BANG! The door locked also.
He was shocked and to scared to move, his body was paralyzed, anxious for every little sound that could possible mean danger, his breathing was fast, he started to sweat in fear.
Suddenly hundreds of little candles where lit.
Kevin tried to catch breath again, and take a closer look, it was another long hall only this time it had those same marks on the wall.
He tried once again to read them but noticed the same marks, signs, sentences were repeated on and on and on and on.
He felt dizzy he was so tired by just being scared, he felt on his knees on the ground.
‘who are you’ a gentle and soft voice said.
Kevin looked up no matter how blurry his mind was, he saw a little girl in a pink and white dress with little ballet shoes and up the stockings of the shoes there were little red ribbons.
She had a blood red ribbon tied in her hair which kept it standing up, and deep but pure and lovely blue eyes.
‘I-I… t-the door just lucked, a-and…’ he couldn’t speak his mind out anymore, so scared as he was.
The girl put her finger on his lips and tried to calm him down. ‘Don’t worry he cant get here, your save.’
Kevin felt his body getting lighter and lighter, was he? No that was impossible, he was actually floating! A blue aura surrounded his body. The girl held her hands behind his head and moved slowly trough the dark corridors of the hall.
Kevin started to relax, he liked her, she was so nice and quite cute to.
She unlocked a door by using her mind control, the door opened and Kevin saw a little but comfortable room, it had a soft white bed and blue curtains.
The only thing he didn’t liked was a pretty dangerous looking armoury hanging over a chair.
A little black lizard with wings flew around her head landing down on her shoulder, it had big blue eyes.
She laid him down on her bed between the soft white blankets.
The dragon flew up again and landed on his belly staring at him with it’s big blue eyes.
‘I’m Minke’ the girl said, she sat down in the chair were the armoury was hanging over.
She looked to the diary Kevin was holding in his hands all the time.
‘I suppose you have read it?’ ‘you-uhm yes, I did’ he said with a shaking voice.
She sighed and went to a little corner in her room taking the armoury with her.
She took of her dress and shoes, then she took on a tight black shirt showing a part of her belly, a pair of dark blue jeans and black running shoes.
She put on a black leather long coat that was just a little bit under her knees.
Kevin looked to her in deep silent.
She untied the blood red ribbon in her hair and her long hair felt down, with a length of around 30cm. roughly.
His eyes went to every movement she made.
‘Maybe you should rest, fluffy will watch over you, it’s oke your save here’
The girl ran off trough the pitch black corridors the candles that were lit faded as she passed them, only leaving a invincible trail of smoke.
‘I just hope I can find you in time’ she said to herself with a little tear escaping from her right eye.
She took a sprint, it was already night, her shadow jumped from house to house, tree to tree.
Leaving no sign of life only a dark shadow in the moonlight.
Full moon, it was time for the ritual…..
And i just wanted a second opinion hehe
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The Haunted house
Kevin had a paper round. Every morning he got up early, had breakfast and then went to do his paper round.
This morning, however when he was approaching the big house near the forest. He thought that something strange was going on. He heard a funny sound coming from the house and the door was open. He decided to have a look and quietly the door slammed shut. For a moment he stood still and looked behind him….. it was really shut. He was locked in the house.
Again he heard a noise. It seemed to come from that room over there. He carefully opened the door to look in. There was nobody there but he saw a diary lying on the desk. It lay there as if someone has been writing in it but had suddenly been called away.
He read: ‘I sometimes wonder whether anyone would believe me about this, I don’t want to get anyone into trouble…. God help me if anyone find out about this!’
He was shocked. He sat down on the bed to think it all over and decided to continue reading the diary.
‘The thing I called from the astral plane is far beyond what humans are capable of. It looked so innocent but I never meant to be it like this, how can something so small so tender become so big and aggressive.’
Kevin thought what it could be, since there isn’t written more in the diary.
He decided to take the diary with him and walk trough the house, he was locked up anyway so what did he had to loose in the first place.
He walked trough the door to the hall, it was one big maze of doors and behind every door there could be anything.
He took the hall to the left and walked straight to it, after a while he started to feel like it was never going to end.
Until he bashed up to a wall, out of nowhere! He scratched his head and saw another door.
It was big made out of a massive strong wood with strange signs carved in it, he tried to read some of them but… he failed.
He opened the door a little and looked at the room, but it was too dark he could hardly see his own hands.
He tried to feel a light button by using his senses…when he came a bit more into the room, BANG! The door locked also.
He was shocked and to scared to move, his body was paralyzed, anxious for every little sound that could possible mean danger, his breathing was fast, he started to sweat in fear.
Suddenly hundreds of little candles where lit.
Kevin tried to catch breath again, and take a closer look, it was another long hall only this time it had those same marks on the wall.
He tried once again to read them but noticed the same marks, signs, sentences were repeated on and on and on and on.
He felt dizzy he was so tired by just being scared, he felt on his knees on the ground.
‘who are you’ a gentle and soft voice said.
Kevin looked up no matter how blurry his mind was, he saw a little girl in a pink and white dress with little ballet shoes and up the stockings of the shoes there were little red ribbons.
She had a blood red ribbon tied in her hair which kept it standing up, and deep but pure and lovely blue eyes.
‘I-I… t-the door just lucked, a-and…’ he couldn’t speak his mind out anymore, so scared as he was.
The girl put her finger on his lips and tried to calm him down. ‘Don’t worry he cant get here, your save.’
Kevin felt his body getting lighter and lighter, was he? No that was impossible, he was actually floating! A blue aura surrounded his body. The girl held her hands behind his head and moved slowly trough the dark corridors of the hall.
Kevin started to relax, he liked her, she was so nice and quite cute to.
She unlocked a door by using her mind control, the door opened and Kevin saw a little but comfortable room, it had a soft white bed and blue curtains.
The only thing he didn’t liked was a pretty dangerous looking armoury hanging over a chair.
A little black lizard with wings flew around her head landing down on her shoulder, it had big blue eyes.
She laid him down on her bed between the soft white blankets.
The dragon flew up again and landed on his belly staring at him with it’s big blue eyes.
‘I’m Minke’ the girl said, she sat down in the chair were the armoury was hanging over.
She looked to the diary Kevin was holding in his hands all the time.
‘I suppose you have read it?’ ‘you-uhm yes, I did’ he said with a shaking voice.
She sighed and went to a little corner in her room taking the armoury with her.
She took of her dress and shoes, then she took on a tight black shirt showing a part of her belly, a pair of dark blue jeans and black running shoes.
She put on a black leather long coat that was just a little bit under her knees.
Kevin looked to her in deep silent.
She untied the blood red ribbon in her hair and her long hair felt down, with a length of around 30cm. roughly.
His eyes went to every movement she made.
‘Maybe you should rest, fluffy will watch over you, it’s oke your save here’
The girl ran off trough the pitch black corridors the candles that were lit faded as she passed them, only leaving a invincible trail of smoke.
‘I just hope I can find you in time’ she said to herself with a little tear escaping from her right eye.
She took a sprint, it was already night, her shadow jumped from house to house, tree to tree.
Leaving no sign of life only a dark shadow in the moonlight.
Full moon, it was time for the ritual…..