Quiting

[JediKaren]

Dear all Psionics,
I'm quiting. I'm stopping my training. why? because I feel that the effort is not worth the reward. I'll still be on msn and I'll look at the sites and what not, but I'm not going to help any more newbies...or anyone with psi.

I like this freedom I have. some of you may of noticed the fact that on my msn I am no longer called JediKaren. I'm also giving up on the Jedi part. I have my reasons. Please do not try to turn me back. I'm not going to the dark side, but just going back to being normal. It's fun. Some of you should try it. I'm sorry if some of you are disppointed in me, but too bad. I'm sick of everything. So bye and have a wonderful day.

Karen.

[Lord Draker]

Ok....well i respect your decision. I'll talk to you on msn and hope to still see you drop in on us . Take care.

[JediKaren]

OK moment of truth..what happened that was so bad to make me want to do this?

It was a bad day from the start. My driving teacher woke me up saying that I had a driving lesson in 30 mins. I had to race to get a bath and check some stuff online. When he came I couldn't fine my permit and tried going into the car without one. He made me go back and get it. Then the driving sucked. I couldn't backout from a parking space for the live of me. I was in near tears the whole time. I came home and told my dad that if I didn't practice I was going to fail the test or that's what the guy said. I went to my room and cried for a while before I decided to do some work. I was mowing the yard when this screw came out. I went to my dad, boy was that a mistake. He got really mad at me. I was suppose to tighten the screw, but I had forgotten. He also was mad at me for not noticing the fact that lawn mower was being weird.

I got mad at him..I mean really mad. You can't do that to my dad. I mean I didn't curse him out or looked or even thought about hurting him in anyway. My father came right up to my face and said "I'll be the $h!t out of you if you ever speak to me like that again" Needless to say I broke down sobbing. I knew he could do it, but he never has *knocks on wood*. I did find the screw and finished the lawn, but I had collapsed. My ego and confidence fall apart. I felt worthless. I wasn't a great psionic. I didn't deserve Jedi as part of my name. If I couldn't respect my father how could I respect others? I couldn't. I was wrong to teach.

I was so scared about my anger. I was scared that I would hurt someone. So trying to avoid that I decided to quit to be safe. I knew a lot of people would be mad at me. I knew this would be torture. I love psi. It's always there. It doesn't have a mind and doesn't care one way or another. There's enough for all. To break away from that was horrible. I kept reaching out and feeling it without thought. I then had to stop myself. It had me crying for several days.

Now things are better. I passed my test and it looks like I'll pass school with Cs and better. My dad and I are talking, but I haven't forgotten what he had said to me. That still scares the daylight out of me. I know it's mental abuse. I hate it, but I can't leave home. I have to finish high school and go to college and the parents are paying for it. I'm 18 also.

So this summer is going to crazy. My dad is leaving us to go hiking for 7 weeks. Well my mom has this drinking problem and well I'm going to have to deal with it. I'm getting better about it, but it's going to hurt. So please forgive me of my moodiness. Please be patient with me as I will try to be with you. I am going to slowly easing into going back to being a psionic. I hope you all will forgive me of my rash decision. *bows head and walks away to her dark peaceful corner*