Post by spilledchemicals on Dec 15, 2007 20:02:25 GMT -5
There is a cycle of energy I must go through, and I felt I needed to put it into words. I post it here. This is not a cry for help, this is only what I felt I needed do, what I was guided to do.
The cycle of my soul.
~The energy of my soul builds up and builds up slowly as I live, and work with energy. It strangles every other part of me.~
There are times I feel my power slipping away, like sand through my finger, and at these times, /I can no longer reel any energy outside of my own body. A numbness spreads over my energy body, starting at the limbs, and ending at the heart. Eventually, all that I can feel is a sphere of energy in my center, my soul. It works opposite to my normal life energy, like red to blue. I feel as if I must be broken, so that I may rebuild myself whole again, but there is no one to break me. So I rip the energy out, and I am free of it. I feel the energy around me again. I think I am free. But my breathing slows and stops, my heartbeat losing pace, slowing, like a clock about to be fully unwound. I need it. Without it I will die. I know this, and yet I don't want to put it back in, to condemn myself to repeat the process again. But I must live on, I have not finished with what I must do here, on this world. So I force it back into me. Like forcing the square into the circle hole in that children's game with the 3 different blocks, with three different holes. My nerves tingle, life retuning to them, streaks of electricity burn in my body, all little spark plugs of life. My energy pains me, like aching muscles, in this pain I find power. My energy body comes back into perspective, yet I am not whole, not yet. Time will now heal me back, and better than before. But I am still not right, pieces missing, not in the right place. I need someone to break me, I do not know who. They will break me, and together, we will put the pieces back together, the right way, so I must never walk so close to the knife edge of death, so I may find my power in peace. But I must wait, and continue the cycle, for I will never again allow myself to not know energy, and I cannot continue without my soul.
-spilledchemicals
The cycle of my soul.
~The energy of my soul builds up and builds up slowly as I live, and work with energy. It strangles every other part of me.~
There are times I feel my power slipping away, like sand through my finger, and at these times, /I can no longer reel any energy outside of my own body. A numbness spreads over my energy body, starting at the limbs, and ending at the heart. Eventually, all that I can feel is a sphere of energy in my center, my soul. It works opposite to my normal life energy, like red to blue. I feel as if I must be broken, so that I may rebuild myself whole again, but there is no one to break me. So I rip the energy out, and I am free of it. I feel the energy around me again. I think I am free. But my breathing slows and stops, my heartbeat losing pace, slowing, like a clock about to be fully unwound. I need it. Without it I will die. I know this, and yet I don't want to put it back in, to condemn myself to repeat the process again. But I must live on, I have not finished with what I must do here, on this world. So I force it back into me. Like forcing the square into the circle hole in that children's game with the 3 different blocks, with three different holes. My nerves tingle, life retuning to them, streaks of electricity burn in my body, all little spark plugs of life. My energy pains me, like aching muscles, in this pain I find power. My energy body comes back into perspective, yet I am not whole, not yet. Time will now heal me back, and better than before. But I am still not right, pieces missing, not in the right place. I need someone to break me, I do not know who. They will break me, and together, we will put the pieces back together, the right way, so I must never walk so close to the knife edge of death, so I may find my power in peace. But I must wait, and continue the cycle, for I will never again allow myself to not know energy, and I cannot continue without my soul.
-spilledchemicals
