The Emotional Battle

[leethal]

And then, and then, and then..

I think you're stuck on not publishing this tale. I think if you get it all the way through you could even get it as a script for a movie. It is really great.

And just let me say, your word hasn't saved you all that much i'm sorry to say you still have some mistakes. But since the purpose is the story, I'm fine with them.

I wanted to write a story myself, but I don't have any topics. I'm fascinated with the struggle of common-life. My struggle with my parents. My problems, my friend's problems. How my love for my parents conflicts with what they unconsciously do to me. I think we all go through this (darn i hope not), my wins, my losses, other people's wins and losses and how i deal with them, (when i say I i mean the character of that so-called story.) etc.

[JediKaren]

lol...I know there are a ton of mistakes in here. I'm just too lazy and too greedy for comments to wait a day and then reread my story and then post it.

As for the publishing, I still hold on to the part where I say no one is going to want to publish this and I really don't want to deal with editors...

Anyway I need a break from the story and focus on the site a bit more. So, no nagging me for a few days.

[leethal]

whatever you say miss. We'll just wait a few more years until you change your mind

[psidan]

I do not mind if you do not publish it. Just keep it coming at a nice, steady, rate.

[snowind]

hey I just catched up with the story, really good!!! I see you took my comments, I'm glad , wish I could comment more but I'm running out of time, I hate vacation...

[Jose~]

Very nicely done, keep it coming.


~Jose

[leethal]

all of the sudden, people started commenting like mad here, heh?

[JediKaren]

Well good news people. The site is finally updated and clean, so I can go back to writing the story again. Expect an update in the next few days.

[JediKaren]

ok finally I get around to writing this!


Days later, I returned to full health and back to classes. In the lightsaber class we were given lightsabers for the first time ever. We went through the basic moves, now with a lightsaber and started on simple sparring patterns, using the moves we had been tested on. When we fought each other, we had to switch back to the wooden sticks, to keep us from doing serious harm, as if the hundreds of bruises everyone received weren’t serious enough. What made the lessons even harder was my concentration was being spilt between the teacher and Roan.

The problem with Roan was I had a crush on him. I felt rather silly, acting like a school girl, staring at the most popular guy in school, wishing the guy would turn around and see me during lunch, but I couldn’t help myself. Roan, as girls said on my planet, was hot and there was no denying that fact. His body was trim, his hair was clean and had a certain eye catching wave. His clothes, the same as everyone’s, managed to show off his muscles. Days after the lightsaber test, I fought extremely hard to hide my feelings for him, but both my master and my best friend Lyn pointed out my blushing. Master Mirmo was the first to notice and comment on my crush during the mid day meal.

“So, my distracted apprentice, which do you think is hotter, your meal in front of you or that young man you have spent the last twenty minutes endlessly staring at when you think I am not looking?”

I looked away from Roan, who was sitting with a group of guys busying joking and eating their food, to glance at my cold meat and half eaten fruit. I turned pink with embarrassment and informed Mirmo that I wasn’t hungry. Somehow, I found looking at one of the cutest, most popular guys in the academy took away all my interest in food. Mirmo gave me a funny look and sighed.

“I would like to lecture you on the importance of men, love, and how that affects your Jedi training, but seeing how I went through my own daydream dates, I can not quite bring myself to look you in the eye, as I recite my thoughts to you.”

This comment brought a grin to my face. For once, I had won at Mirmo’s own argument without even having to say a thing. I picked up my fork with pride at my victory and ate the rest of my lunch. Mirmo stayed quiet, but I noticed he seemed distance, as if remembering the past. I did not inquire what was going through his mind, knowing if he wanted to tell me, he would of.

Later that day I was walking with Lyn, going to my room to give her another art lesson. She had practice what I had taught weeks before, and had shown progress. I was going to teach her how to draw the body of a horse, an animal she had never heard of, but when she saw my drawings of them, she instantly fell in love with the animal and nagged me for days to teach her how to draw one. I had spotted Roan, walking alone towards us, and stopped dead in my tracks. Lyn walked a few steps, saying something and then stopped, looked back at me, looked at who I was staring at, and giggled. I was locked on Roan as he continued his path. He seemed to finally notice me and gave a polite nod of the head. Speechless, I stood still, shocked and unable to move. My eyes followed him as he walked down the hall and turned a corner. Lyn’s giggles grew louder and less suppressed, bringing my attention back to her.

“Ohh, someone has a lover boy”

Once again I blushed red. Lyn was loving this much more than the serious Master Mirmo. Her eyes were wide and wild, gleaming with excitement. I could tell she found guys interesting, and the fact that I had picked the most popular young Jedi here, made it all the better. Well, I wasn’t going to give her any gossip. I took a deep breathe, staring at a near by all, sending all my emotions out of my body and opening myself to the peace and silence of the temple. When I was sure that I could sound and act normal, I fixed a steady, determined look on my face and asked Lyn if she wanted to head to my room.

“Sure, but how long have you felt about him? Isn’t his name Roan or something? Isn’t he in your class? Does your master know about your feelings towards him? Have you talked to Roan?”

We were at the door to my room, when I stopped and looked up at her in surprise. I had underestimated her already. She wasn’t going to let this slip by her. I sighed, being reminded a bit of my master and tried to answer her questions. I had started to notice Roan right before the lightsaber test, but for some unknown reason, he really caught my eye when he walked through the students. He seemed so nice and so mature, that I was attracted to him. Mirmo seemed to not mind my crush, but I could tell Mirmo would not let this go far if it interfered with my training. So far, Roan hadn’t noticed me, aside from the rare times he walked past me and had the manners to notice me as a person, but my skills at the Force told me that Roan saw no interest in me. I argued that this was because he didn’t know me and if I made the first effort, he would see I was worth getting to know.

“Oh, I could see you two together. You two would make such a cute couple!”

I grinned and to my horror, a girly giggle escaped my throat. Lyn’s grin grew bigger and I wondered how fast it would take for the other girls to find out about this and spread gossip. I was going to have be careful to prevent rumors starting too early until I had made my moves.

[Jose~]

VERY nice chapter Karen, but is it me or was it shorter than the others? MABEY I WAS SO DESPERATE TO READ ONE, I READ IT SUPER FAST?


~Jose

[JediKaren]

lol...I'll see if I can make the next one longer.

So, any more comments? pleasssssse? *gives cute admin puppy eyes*

[leethal]

it's turning out to be a life-story.
keep it up. come on you need comments? you already got all the forum reading it. I am speechless. Your prowess is excellent.

[snowind]

Great as ever Miss J.K. [Jedi Karen, lol]

[JediKaren]

aww thank you. Just for that, here's the next chapter:

“I would like you all to get into the assigned pairs. Roan with Karen. Nield with Irini. Jem with Carl. Dack with Kit. Max with Salla.”

My heart picked up its pace at the name of Roan. We were in lightsaber class again and being paired off to practice simple fighting moves against each other. My spirits leaped in pure joy as I looked fondly over to Roan, sitting somewhat near me. I eagerly turned around to see if he felt as I did. His face was neutral. He did not seem excited or displeased by the fact we would be fighting together. Well, that didn’t matter. This was the moment I had been waiting for to make my move on him. Oh, this was the best day of my life. This was a day come true.

We stood up, went to a part of the room that was empty and raised our sticks to waist high. This was exciting. This was cool. He looked at me and then bowed. I copied his movement and impatiently waited for the teacher to give us the go.

“You may start.”

Yes. I studied Roan, looking for a way to start this fight. I raised my sword and deal an aim to his left shoulder. His eyes slightly widen in surprise. He took a step back and awkwardly moved his stick to block me. The move was so badly done I didn’t have the heart to connect the blow to his shoulder, but let the sword barely miss his shirt by centimeters. He blushed a tiny bit and a stab of guilt hit me. I shouldn’t make him look like a fool, yet I didn’t want to hurt him. I retreated another step, and looked at him again, pretending to decide where to strike next, but really I was giving him time to attack me.

The boy recovered and advanced two steps, one forward and one to his right. Roan raised his stick and seemed to want to hit my elbow. I did a half turn to my left and swiftly brought the sword over to stop his. I started to push his sword towards his chest and then stopped. I caught a look on his face. It was full of self pity and helplessness. For all Roan was good at and was known by, he could not fight to save his life. My heart cried bitterly for him. I pulled back and dropped the sword to between my lower waist, between my legs, waiting and thinking. Roan gathered himself once again and swung his sword at me, over his left shoulder, if to cut off my neck. I took a step back and leaned to my left, easily dodging the move. He saw this move and quickly had his stick follow my movement. I slowed down just a bit and felt the light sting of the stick hitting my head. I smiled at Roan for a reward of finally hitting me. Yet, Roan did not smile, but retreated with a look of horror. I looked at him, confused. Shouldn’t he be happy and pleased with himself?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Are you ok?”

Stunned, I nodded. Roan had hardly caused me any pain and that was supposed to be a death blow. He didn’t need to apologize.

“Karen, your master would like a word with you.”

I jumped as the lightsaber teacher said this. All the fighting had stopped to look at me and my master in near the entrance to the room. I quietly walked over to my silent, glazing master, who did not look too pleased with me. He pointed with his head out the door, indicating he did not want the whole class hearing this. I gulped, knowing I was in for a lecture of some sort. I guilty walked out the door, took a few steps into the hallway and gave Mirmo one look before staring down at the ground.

“What were you doing in there?”

Flitching, I said quietly I was fighting.

“Oh really. It more liked you were flirting”

I said nothing. I wanted to defend myself, to argue this point, but anything I said would simple convict myself of this crime.

“Did you know that the old Jedi order use to forbid relations like yours? You would have been told not to let your feelings for him control you and would have been asked to not see him again.”

Yes, I knew this. I had done my research. Love for a singly woman was one of the major reasons why the order collapsed during the Clone Wars. Master Mirmo didn’t know that I knew this. I looked up at my master. I told him that love was what brought this order together and strengthen it. Luke saved the galaxy with the love of his father. Princess Leia fought for the freedom of millions for the love of the people. Was it so wrong that I loved Roan?

“What you are feeling is not love, and what you are feeling is not helping anyone. You hardly know this boy, but you are attracted by his looks and outward personality. You let your need to impress him override your ability to learn. If this were a real fight, against someone who was trained, but with the same looks, you would have been dead in a matter of three seconds. Letting an attractive man win because you want to impress him will only weak you and you might as well go back to your room.”

Again, I was stunned by his words. They were so clear, so painful, and what was worse, so right.

“Now, you are going back in there and you will fight like you mean it.”

I sighed and told him I understood. I could not imagine beating Roan and still having any hope of winning his attention to me, but between the choice of my master and Roan, my master was more important.

[snowind]

I love stories where hormones intervene, they tend to always mess things up.