lonewolf training

[lonewolf]

time to admit, that things dont comit. should not be comited.

i was on the computer the other day and my right pinkey was hurting, now this had never done that.. and i know its my guide.. my guide why would he wont to speak to me. im thinking... so i let him in and we talk in my mindscape.

damien: do you know about the temples being destroyed
LW:yes, but dont look at me. i had nothing to do with it.
damien: oh ok.
LW: im still pis-sed off about the seal. its wearing me out. all the transitions that have to catch up
damien: im sorry
LW: why are you sorry, your the one that DID IT. im f**cking shat at you, why did you do it.
damien: i was protecting you, i did what i did so others wouldnt know, so i could keep you safe
LW: BULL SHI T.. YOU Were never going to tell me, never. they modifyed the records there is nothing about me in there. nothing about it.
LW: THEY (temple elders) tryed to destroy me and poison me, they, just f*k them
Damien: look i did it to protect me
LW:DO you realise how much it has affected me, in RL. not just astrally. it has f**ked me over big time
damien: (looks of worry/teary)
LW: (points to bejin, he was there) he cares for me, he is my friend. (jumps on bejin) (bejin shoots a flame at damein)
LW: how can i trust you, how. i dont trust you. not one bit. how can i trust you..
LW: i respect you, but i dont trust you. you have to earn that back
LW: you know that once you break that trust you never get it back, there has only been one person to rederm her self, she proved hereslf to me.
LW: i repsect you, i dont tust you

LW: points to everyone in his mindscape (all my friends) they care about me.

that was pritty much it, i dont really feel bad about it. i had a few things on my chest, he knows how i feel. i wasnt in the best mood to begin with. and he make me really angury.

i havnt really seen or spoken to him.
i gave up on the temples.. i stoped going, stop teaching after they tryed to kill me. i gave them too many chances. no one wonts me to feel complete. get stronger. they just wont controll. stupid politics..

Im still furiuse everytime i think about it.. it cant be expresed in english. its just, god it pains me terably.. ,,I,,

[lonewolf]

I had a convo with someone who was channeling, he was channeling a dark angel.

<Nuuka> you can do it, at least try to not be alone
<Nuuka> you are strong, more than you know
<LW|lonelessness> no, im weak
<Nuuka> and you have something that you dont even know
<LW|lonelessness> i just have stanima
<LW|lonelessness> everyone can do what i can
<Nuuka> listen to me, you are carrying something with a great force
<Nuuka> you just dont know it
<LW|lonelessness> i know that. but that dosent help me one buit
<Nuuka> no
<Nuuka> its not what you think
<LW|lonelessness> i know i have it, but i dont know hoe ot use tit
<Nuuka> exactly
<Nuuka> even more than that
<LW|lonelessness> im just a human.
<LW|lonelessness> kin think'
<Nuuka> so?
<LW|lonelessness> thing*
<LW|lonelessness> i see your point. what shal i do
<Nuuka> your are lucky
<LW|lonelessness> what what shall i do about this thing i dot know what it is
<Nuuka> have faith
<LW|lonelessness> in myself. gee. ok..
<LW|lonelessness> this is rather fustrating,. ive had these talents and worked hard for them,. and they been taken away! and i have to fght hard for my past to remember things,.
<Nuuka> if you feel that you cant fight more, raise it
<Nuuka> you will know what to do with that...
<LW|lonelessness> i never give up.
<Nuuka> this are bad times dear friend
<Nuuka> enemies will arise now
<Nuuka> more than ever
<Nuuka> they will hunt you
<Nuuka> you know why?
<Nuuka> no one on light temple cant beat you
<Nuuka> now they are hunting you
<LW|lonelessness> wait, if everyone can beat me, why they going after me?
<Nuuka> and beings from lower planes are hunting them
<Nuuka> no, they cant beat you lw
<LW|lonelessness> who shall i protect
<LW|lonelessness> i cant stand to see incents get hurt
<Nuuka> it can happen soon LW, now I will leave you
<LW|lonelessness> what is yor name?
<Nuuka> I dont have a name
<LW|lonelessness> and why you warn me? thanks anyhow
<Nuuka> call me Dark Angel as ******** named me
<Nuuka> no, Im a real Dark Angel (or a real demon as you want to see it)
<Nuuka> it is my job to destroy the astral plane
<Nuuka> but Im corrupted
<Nuuka> and my powers are sealed
<LW|lonelessness> so you helping us.
<LW|lonelessness> thanks anyhow.
<Nuuka> Im trying to do the correct things
<LW|lonelessness> i aprciate, your kindness
<Nuuka> keep me inform
<Nuuka> good bye warrior

so there you go that was a little part of it.. but like i serusly have questions.. grrrr.. RAWR .

well what he was warning me about, its ok now.. the few who were persiciflicly mentioned are all ok.. inlcuding me. so that is a realife. i wonder if there isnt anyone in spirit who donsnt know me, or about me. i serusly thinks there is this huge consirusy that everyone know everything about me. exept me. and they making it really hard for me to know who i really am.. *sighs further*

I don't know, about things anymore. i just feel that im being streched but in not moving anywhere. im so spiritually burnt out.

your friend
lonewolf

lonewolf

[lonewolf]

well there wasnt much activity untill a few days ago.

I have returned to the temples, to continue my training and my teaching there. so thats a good step for me, its hard to trust them again but i know they wont harm me nor my friends. They: insteed will help the person through there troubles and if they reach anyhow sort of power to have better understanding of the situation. They will also help that person though there troubles. How do i know this, i guess imight of dropped a hit (more like screamed at them) about the idea, in the most indirect way.

Ive had a few more visions latly so i have been exploring a few of them with my brother colin. there is one were i remember having serveral dreams about. In this vision i was playing chassy with a group of people who looked my age. I explained this to colin, and we both aped there. To our amazment, hes has been here (the place were we aped to)befor, it was in his OWN mindscape... 0_0... we used to play in the astral, in his mindscape, and with other kids.
*Now i know colin and i had history we are like brothers, both wolf warriors and the like.*
So things started to look really well, we both were starting to get exited. Like two complete (well at first we throught) straingers, meeting on the net and end up being a heck of a lot more!
so we moved onto the next one, it was a short vision. I could see colin, myself and a girl. Now the girl is a little red head, and we all look around 6ish. We are sneaking a look into this room, the door was huge compared to us. I showed phoul were to go again, and he once again went wow. This was a temple, and we were looking into the councils room. The temple is the "Phenix temple". at the time i had never concisly been here, nor even knew this place existed.

The next one, was a place that i remember quite vividly, it was a training mission/class. the room is massive, really tall foom, about 7 people high, the roof is surported by loads of round pillars. These pillars are so big you could just reach around them. So i waited for colin to enter, and i asked if he knew this place. He replyed "yes, its part of the wolf temple". This one surpirsed me more than colin, im starting to remember my training, well little bits atleast.

Next we went to this place, were once again i can remember seeing the same childrem playing games. it was underground in tunnels. Colin said he couldnt remember, but he said these tunnels were under the forrest (forrest being the main temple, karen has mentioned it also). So another vision confirmed and its a good feeling to start remembering things again.

Colin teleported somewere, and he really didnt like the place, it was a desert and there were rusted cars everywhere and general junk. I aped there to have a look and you wouldnt belive it. Ive been to this place about 3-5 times, and i can slitly remember things about it. Colin got scared and wonted to leave really fast, i asked why he said "this is the place were i have seen all of us get chased and killed".. now we know its was a dream, but its amazing that we both had them and about each other, i mean like this is the exact same place as i recall. I said yes, i know everytime i have been here i get chassed and run for my life. Colin replyed i we both used to get chased, and i would fall over and i would see you keep running, then i would die. i think at that point i started to cry, because i could remember that happening, and its just a bit overwhelming.

Colin has come along way since i first met him, he was full of negatice energy and had things oround and on him making his life rather unpleasent. Now he is loving life, he is happy with himself and he is goind strong. He has shed the darkness and untied himself of the negs. im very proud of him. and the most amasing thing happened. he started to change into a phenix, not just anyone kind this one was HUGE, like the size of the house. He has red flames coming off him and he has golden streeks too. A good discription of him, is the bird on harry potter the one who is burn from its own ash's.

He was called in by the temple elders and he had his lady friend with him, her name is Ashley. She is an astral being and was part of the temple, She has been very good to colin and she is also purdy looking to well, colin had coucil with them, and we both could hear screaming from colin, i knew what was happening but i went inside to make sure he was ok. Ashley on the other and looked terbly worryed, i was in my wolf form. i was protecting the doors to colin and the elders. i was about half the size of a house, and Ashley was scratching my left ear . i stayed in that form and bilocated as manytimes as i could, and i had Ashley count them. I asked how many angels can you see, she replied 8, so including my wolf thats 9. Thats not a bad effort, and i was doing it quite conftably. She noted that i was holding my hands over her ears, as colin was screaming again. He was screamin beacuse of the changes, there really big. And the tranistions didnt stop there. After a while, he retured. He had two things with him, a sword ( a special phenix one) and a paper. i read some of the paper and it was explain some things about the phenix form and responsabilties.

At that time i decided to see if i could goto the next stage of the angelic concisness. The archangel, i had 6 wings and my aura was so bright you could bearly see. Colin said tthat he could bearly see my face it was bright as anything. hehe well that was fun.

Both Ashely and i, hoped onto colins back (in his new form) and we started to fly. we were flying over forrest and we were following the river below us. As i looked up i saw this clift and there was a castle roght near the end. Colin acknolaged that it was the phenix temple.as we were getting close, i just said you know there is a tunnel leading from the temple to the river? Colin said yes they sorta use the for smugling. he then said that the wolves dont really get along with the the phenix temple. we got close and i could make out the doors. we got closer and I don't know what happened. i again just said, there is a gurl on the top tower and she wants to speak with us. (this was just coming to me, like i just knew)

so we went there strait away. colin knew the girl. she was wairing brown leather all over, cute looking girl to. she in one of the best archers they have. Colin then went ah oh.. i was like whats wrong? he said she was crying??? she knew who i was. this girl was about my age, and she felt formilure but i had no memory nothing about her, ive never seen her in my life befor. Colin said that she said she talked to him about her friend who died.. that person was me...0_0.. colin explained that one day i just disapreard and never returned and she though i was dead. i started to cry in RL and well as her, its so overwhelming. i cant expl;ain it here i was and my past throws me a punch and hits me in the face.

Her name is Ruby, she is a wonderful girl. hehe. she said that i was the onlyone who looked after her when we were young. i mean that really touched me. *sniff*. Colin was like chill your here now. lets get a drink. so i found us all in a room sitting at chairs. Colin asked what i wonted to drink so i said chochlate shake. He goes im having tequiler. Half a second later hes telling me i hit it out of his hands saying he;s not old eught. LOL, it was my sub-c doing it now me. i swear ... anyhow, Ruby kissed me on the lips, and asked me to follow her to her room. i was really nervouse bacause i was having ahard time seeing in the astral, and Colin was telling me about it on IRC. her room looked average for a teen, she handed me a picture. In the frame was me and her as kids. I sat on her bed and she started to kiss me more, i just couldnt do anything. She knew something was up and sat on my lag asking whats wrong. i said im really sorry but i cart remember you. i then told her about everything, and she just hugged me while we both cryed.

I said im back and im not leaving you again. she looked at me and said "thank you". I sensed a group of people in the main room. and i told colin, he said that they have returned beacuse its dark now. i asked Ruby why there was those people, she said that every fews days they have a party. at the same time colin posted that when they dont have battles and there is peace they have a party at night, to keep there spirits up high.

Colin said LETS PARTY. hehe. we went and i just said im not much of a dancer, so i started to break dance on the floor and people dancing around me. i floated into the air and did some moves and then landed on my feet. i got scared i saw people stairing at me, and they had golden eyes. Colin said it was him and a few others, and he saw me dancing he was sitting down with the girls...

All of a suddern my bells went off and on Mirc i was yelling at him to get out side, he was like why why, then it hit him. he was starting to morph and he would break down the temple with his giant wings. That was a close call. the day went really well. There was wolves and harpies and LOADS of astral beings watching colin;s transitions to the beautify red/golden Phenix.
after it was finished i asked for them to leave , so Colin could rest and they left in there own time.
I had things to do in RL so i said by to Ruby and Ashley. i turn around and bumbed into this guy, and Ruby came running up i said sorry, and he looked mean. Ruby pulled me away, saying "he looked after me when you left".. i have a bad feeling about this guy, but he was anoyed at me, so i was probibly picking up on that.

Oh did i mention Ruby is one of the children i see in my visions from my past astral travels? i guess you can see why it was very emotional for me.

Well that was only todays

your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

This is about my attempts to morph into a bird..

ok well the bad new is im not allowed to .. the angels are stopping me.. they say im not allowed because ill draw to much attention to myself.
well that didnt really stop me!!

ok i dont know how to put this, but ill try my best!!

EVERY time i TRYED to change into a bird, -_- i would change into a small fluffy white.....bunny....with angle wings.... i swear i have tryed like 20 times now, and everytime.. a ***** BUNNY!! AHHHH i could scream so loud, A bunny, why??. lol.. i think i was the only one who didnt find it funny -_-.. i mean a bunny rabbit.. 0_0....

im still like wtf a bunny rabit. for my troubles.. LOL..-_-

your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

well another good day, i got off the net after speaking with colin. And i went strait to training.

I first started running training, trying to get my head over seeing with my two eye's. I then built a anthletic running circet, and started to run around it. It took a long time to get used to seeing with my eyes, but im starting to enjoy it and im seeing like i have never befor.
I then started to run faster and faster, but everytime i would lose focus and my mind would start to wonder. I took another hour to stop running and i found it easy to focus more on the astral.

I then went and morphed into a bird, but again i found myself as a bunny. Now i didnt get mad or upset this time. Instead i went to Michael and asked him some more questions. He said that im not ready, and the form will attrack more attention than i could wont. So i went back to my track, and though about other forms i could do that has wings. the first one that came to mind was the angel form.
So i spent a good while flying around really slow, i could feel the wings on my back working really hard. And i would sometimes flinch when i moved my wings. So i had to concentrate on the astral more, and it worked. I then was able to go as fast as someone running, but like befor i would lose focus. But i persisted and i get there eventualy. I then stoped and thought about anyother forms that i know of. The dragon form came to mind rather quickly. So i changed and off i went, it was much easyer to fly with.

I find it hard to fly, beacuse im so used to the human form, 4 limbs. that flying in dragon was easyer. It was that my concentration was taken up with the four limbs Plus the wings.
The angel form was hard at first because, what do you do with 6 wings 0_0. im just used to 2. So i sorta cheated and went back to the angel form with 2 wings. hehe. but ill practice more tonight.

i was getting good at flying now, could manover around and dive and rise. so i went to this place that we call the 'Ranch'. Its a place that a friend built for our astral dragons, and we can train them there and we also have a room for each of us. So i went there and headed for the training arena.
The arena is huge it has little tests set up for when you mount and fly with your dragon, teach's you controll and stuff. I went back to my angel form as its the form im most in. The first one is you climb up this ladder to a platform, and you have to fly fast down into a pull of water. So i did this and you have to swin though a tube to the other side, it leads up after a bit to a small lake. Its hard to think about not breathing underwater ( i was trying to make it as hard on me as posible) so i made it up to the lake, and swam to the side of the pool. The next is manouvering though sets of hoops, these are only just the size of someone who is mounted on there dragon, so it teach's them to have really good controll.
I just went though them to practice turning and pitch and yawn, and i was having loads of fun. i stoped and contemplated where i wonted to goto from here.
The phenix temple was a good choice i wanted to visit Ruby, so i decided to fly there the way Colin showed me the first time. So i flew across the forrest and headed to the river that runs though it. I continued to follow the river to the clift peak and flew up. I sensed Ruby to be uptop so i went to her, she ran and huged me and i kissed her. She was so happy to see me. We went back to her room and talked for a little while and she asked if icould stay, so i slept next to her and fell alseep myself. I awoke in RL and astraly, and i could see it was just night time (it was 9ish here and 11pm at the temple). i went to leave to train but she awoke again, and asked where i was going. I mentioned training, and she looked lonley. I called for my wolf pet and he watched over her, i soon retured and once again fell alseep by her side. I was woken up in RL by my brothers friend jumpin into bed (bunk bead, i was on the bottom). I then went back to sleep and awoke from the astral. i changed and left a note saying i was training.
i walked outside the room and found myself in a hall, so i turned right and followed it down and up some stairs. i was lost, so i teleported to the front doors.

i walked into the forrest at the foot of the hill to the temple, and i started punching trees and kicking. i soon had some copany, It was the wolves looking for a fight. From what i could gather the leader was faceing me, and he tryed to attack me. i beat him down and got two daggers and placed them near his neck. I didnt kill him just wound him, so he couldnt hurt me anymore. He started scrabling back, and he knew who i was by then. "Thats the warrior from the light temple, he could beat all of us here" he looked worried but at the same time he wanted blood. I soon found myself being attacked by 30-40 wolves. i got wounded 3 times, i was starting to play (have fun) while there were so seriuse, i then got to work and i took down about 30 of them, and the leader said "STOP". they all stood down and left me in peace.

I then went to the light temple, and there was a guard there ihavnt seen befor. i asked if i could go in and he said im not allowed to, members only....I looked at him like he was speaking a nother language. I pronouced my name and he said "ah yes lone, well its for members only", i knew something was up, fancy saying that. lol.. (noob) i sensed the real guard tied up in a cell, so i went after him, fearing the worst.
I took off the white material covering his mouth, and he looked surprised. "what are you doing here? this is a training mission, but not for you". i was like what oh well should i leave you here? he just shook his head "no well you got this far, this mission wasnt really designed for you, so this will be easy". I untied him and looked at the cell, i tred breaking it and it snaped easy and then just snaped back into place like new. i though of gee this is easy.
I told him to grab my shoulder, he looked worried but did as he was told. i then turned into water and we continued to move along the floor as a puddle. I got up a few stairs still water and got bored so i just teleported to the maindoor again, and then rose out of the water with the 'real' guard holding my shoulder.
I pointed to the odd looking fella, pretending to be the guard, and asked who the hell he was. He hugged him and said its my brother. i went ok, and then proceded to through the doors. As i was walking though the doors i could here "that was ood" "yeah well i didnt really expect him to return here". i sighed and once again greeted with the awqod silence, i closed my eyes and said "continue what you were doing" they got back to there things, and i walked to the door on the other side of the room.

I took a left and then a right, and up a flight of stair and then took an left into the training room. I felt really uneasy there, and as soon as i though of it. There was this giant demon thing standing behind me. He wanted to chalange me to a fight, i just stood there. it attacked me and i blocked with my arms crossed, covering my face. It just stood there and asked why i wouldnt attack. i went on to say. that In evil there is still light, and i pointed to his stomach and it had a faint white light there. i said i would change the rest to white, and that way i would win and do no harm. He got into the attacking stance, and prceeded to attack me yet again. i teleported behind him, and smiled. i got out my two swords, and procced to attack this thing and bits and peices were flying everywhere. i manifested loads of these little see though cubes and cought every peice that fell. He rearanged himself and he looked like when he first did, but this time his body was made up these cubes, he stood there. i then procceded to suck all the negatice gunk out of him, and it took a few minutes but i got there. i then took away all the cubes and he looked all white with on dark spot in his tummy. i mentioned yingyang to him once also.
Out of no where michael came down and talked me, he looked over myshoulder and said i passed.. 0_0.. this was a test? -_-.. i said thank you. He said that i have to tust msself more, and not only show the lvl of loving and caring to eveyone, but also to myself. He said to spend some time with me, he said dont get selfish, but have some fun. i nodded, and said thank you. he then said i did VERY well on this one. I mentioned that the room looked rather dirty and he then showed me how to clean a room full of negative slidge and energy. He moved really fast i could just keep up with him, he then stood befor me with this long vase, with a ball like bottom and round stem, that went square at the top with this funky looking lid. it was starting to get overloaded with sludge, he held it with his hands and smiled. i looked around the room, and it was really clean he missed a few spots and i showed him what i learnt from him and did the same. I was now standing infront of him, with my own container. He looked really surprised and smiled more and said good job. i placed my container in his and he left.

i started to train more, and though up all these badies to battle with, i killed and beat up over 100, so i made it harder. I merged all there energy to form on guy, he was really thingyy and stronger than me. He was starting to give me a run for my money and i wonted to end it as fast as i could. He stood to my left after a few attacks, i wilded one of my swords and ran it up and over the shield splitting it in two. i thenjumped back over him so i was faceing him and i killed him ( cant remember how , but its was good training ).
I looked around the room, and it looked like a huge war and i got nervose with all these dead things around, even if it was made up, i still cleaned it up. Just as i finished some elders walked in and asked what the ruckes was about, i shruged and said nothing went on here. lol, they knew something went on, but oh well. as i was leaving with the elders i spoted someone spying on my, so i though a dagger at there eye and i heard this scream. I said you shouldnt spy on me i took back the dagger from the door (i didnt actually take it out wtih my hands, nor saw who it was, just sensed it).

i had this strang erg to goto the warrior section, the green section of the temple. as i ented it was filled with loads of people who i have never met. i hovered up and i was called to the balconey. From what i was told it was like a reunion, of sorta. These people befor me were going to start training. I though that was pritty cool. I also saw i wasnt wearing what i can into the room with, i had like purple/blue padding/armor all over my body and was wearing a brown/cream cape that went over my shoulders and coved some of my body at the front. It came to my turn to speak. so this not being the first time was glad to.

"hello, all you will start you training soon. There is only one thing i can ask of you, i wont you to try your hardest, i wont you to put your best foot forward and give it your all. IF you do this and you are failing, me and the fellow trainer/teachers will help you get back up to par with you peers, HOW ever if you mess around and dont take things serusily you will fall be hind, and i and the fellow trainer/teachers will not help you at all. We will give you extra homework for you to catch up, but its all up to you. Secondly i wont you to be all friends, i wont you to be able to stand next to the people standing beside you and say you are equal. Some of you are stronger at magic other speed, some strength. YOUR weekness is somone elses strength and i wont all of you to help eachother. you are the end will stand befor me as equals"

i remember saying more things, but not of importance.

i then stood back to were my fellow teachers were, and they said thanks for that. Now we dont have to say that, other one said, something else. I said they should mingle with the new group, and they looked at me offended. I said that it will be good for them to learn more about there teachers, and you could learn more about your students. One said we dont need to everything is in the files (he showed me one) i dismissed it, i pointed to one child who was standing at the back, he was short and had glasses on. i said he really good and strong with magic and his speed is averge but he has no strengtrh. the teachers looked at me and said how did you know. i sighed and asked them to just do it. They eventually gave up and went down stairs with the studends.
In the back ground i could here the children saying, wow they have never done this befor, this is a good night. (i should also cemment, to the readers, that they head teacher explained to the students who i was, and it made me feel unconftable. :S)
i was left there with the death angle, the lady who looks over everything and one, the new marthial. Ive met her befor, so this wasnt a surprise. She leaned over me and said i could take a break, that i dont have a class this year. There alowing me to find my path, as ive been asking around the temple alot in the past few days. She said if they need a substatute they will ask for me, she said if you feel like teaching you can. I was going to ask if i could read the files, she interupted me, and said i will have all the recorses i need. Then i was going to ask if i could watch over them as they trained, and she cut me off again, saying i can do that. and i will be kept upto date on there progress.
This made me happy, said my thanks and walked out to the oval.
I then went to the forrest near the temple and sat down in my usual spot to meditate. i sat there for along time, trying not to force the change or energy but find it and let it flow (like archangle Michael surgested). i found this well inside of me, and it was really dreep and wide. it was my energy that was untaped. i started to feed the energy up the well, slowly and at first very little. i could feel the energy rushes over my body and it felt really good. i fell asleep agian for a short while. and then headed back to Ruby. i fell asleep next to her again, i was so tired.

i awoke and she came in with toast and the newspaper, ( this was in the astral) i ate the toats and read the paper. there wasnt a huge picture and something on the caption. but i cant remember about it anymore. i remember when i looked at it, that i could feel the energy from the page. i think it had to do with Colin and the Phenix. i then stayed a little bit, had a shower and said my good byes to Ruby.

so now i sit here talking to you all

your friend
lonewolf

oh and a sad note too.. Ruby is human, but she died at a young age. she is now in the astral. im very sad to hear that it happened. i know she died from a broken heart. and i have this terable feeling it was mainly becuase of when i left her. Colin said to cheer up and once again mentioned that we are together again, and she wouldnt wont me to morn over her, she wonts me to be happy. so, i morn on the inside. and dont show it.

oh and the longest ap sesion for me yet. i went to bed at 6pm and woke at 7am... and at 3 or so am, i went to 'real' sleep..

[lonewolf]

I was talking to Ashley today and her two daughters, Rose and Dian. Ashley is infact an astral being, and a friend of colins.

It was rather funny, 3 wemon trying to talk though colin, mwahaha. anyhow. They told me a few things about colin that i had no idea about, and i think it did him some good to. Get things of his chest etc.

I found out that astral beings goto school at the light temple. that was really cool to learn about that. hehe, One of the daughters, Rose is training to be a fighter. And i said i would help her train, let colin have a break. That and colin dosnt take her seriuse enugh and laughs when they fight. lol.. poor girl so im helping her out. I sent a projection but she found them to easy. I programmed the projections to never do anything bad, so they were just defending her. >.<.. so i changed the programming on one of them, and she was training for 3 hours with it. But about 20 minutes ago i stop the training. She needed sleep, while she could get it.
Dian came though also, and asked if i could help her map out the astral, she wonted me to go with her after school. I think i might.

lol, those four are clasic, i swear. Colin trying to talk and random and (kiss) showing up. It was the girls messing around with him. lol.. oh was it so funny!!.

it would seem the those two girls have taken quite a likeing to me. *shrugs* i dont know what so good about me, to be honist but, i guess the attention is nice.

Colin went to bed as it was 2am over there, so i siad my good bys to the girls and colin. But befor ashley went, i asked her about something. I wonted to know what they ment about me being the strongest in the light temple. i said i think they are just teaseing me or something. she said she will find out. So who knows what tomorrow will bring.

your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

last night saw my first class in spiritual development, i was sorta afraid but i went along anyhow. The main thing that was worrying me was, if they asked us what our past experiences with spirit and the like. i kept running it over and over in my head, i was starting to make myself feel ill. the days went on, and continued to get closer to tuesday. for one im glad i went

seeing i was new to the whole group, they placed me with 6 other people. we were in the descution group and after the break we learn to meditiate. from 7:30-10pm we didnt stop talking, so it was really good. im glad i went along, there is no one else close to my age, but its ok. it was good to see some complete unaware people being able to have some natural abilites, like aura vision and the like. the lady who took our class was rather nice, she often stoped to talk to someone about something, she was getting told by her guides. a few of the people in my group got messengers from people who have crossed over, i must say was really good to see being done befor me.
It was a good night, altho the topics that we were talking about, i knew 80% of it. and i was paying attention best i could, but i started to project around the room. i had my angel form behind me and my wolf sitting under the chair. She often looked at me, i dont know if she knew it was me, or just something she could sense or was being told. Im going to ask her next week if she saw an angel and a wolf near me, see what she says.

the night went on, closing pray and we all went home. I think it went rather well, im going to show the teacher (she is a minister ) my mindscape artical, she what she thinks about it. Hopefully she will like it, as ive posted it all over the net at diffrent places and only bad points i got was my spelling.. *looks away*
so i will see what happens next week..

on other news, it seems that i have been interfered again and it seems to be fixed for now. I have had a lot of help from my friends (irc) so that was all good. One lady in perticulare, her name is 'aquarose', she went to some astral being who saw fit to help me. "they like a challange and they saw you needed help, so they are". im very greatful for what she has done, and i cant thank the beings enught eiter. There is always two being watching over me, to help me along. They are slowly turning the vaulve on me, and my past memories. best way i can explain it. this has been going on for a few days now, and the results so far are amazing, ive seen myself as a child and training. ive also seen were i used to play, and the like.

the one that really shocked me was the one of me training, i was doing hand to hand combat when i was about 5.. i can only explain it in one word, i was a 'monster', i was too fast, too strong, and too smart for my peers. i was scared at what i saw in my memories, i was just controlable by my teachers/elders. i havnt seen myself when i was around 10-12, that is when things at home (rl) started to turn sour. My partents were devorcing, and the death of my grand mother... at that point in my life, i started to sink into myself and i tapped into this inner energy.. if i was scary at 5, imagine how stong and fast i was at 12.. thats something to think about.

i had a dream last night, and i can recall the entire thing.. now this may seem the normal for people. but for likethe past 5-6 years, i hardly dreamed and if i did i couldnt remember. so this is really exiting for me.

as the dream went;
i was young, and i was playing around in the long grass. i saw a brown snake (now im snake-a-phobic (sp) ) so i froze.. i got enugh adrenalen to run away form it, i ran as fast as i could. I saw this climbing frame so i jumped for it and started to climb. but i was to slow, the giant long brown snake had bitten me on the ankel, i went blank. I reawoke on the ground. *now i presume i died or fell down and blacked out*. i scrambled for the top of the tubed structure when i came to relise the snake. as i got to the top there was another snake, i wasnt afraid of it.not one bit, it was small and grey. i guess i know it wouldnt attack me. But im not sure, it just seems odd, and to be grey. it could of been a being watching me, beacuse i didnt sense any danger.
the rest of my dream was about getting over my fear of snakes, and the snake to be less thretend towards me. by the end of a long dream, i could stair the snake in the eye from a few inches away. I was still wairy of the snake, but at least i wasnt afraid of it..

i think this is sybolic in a way, im terafied of snakes, to the point of seeing them 100 meters away i just freak out. I think it might be beacuse of my past lives, i could of died from being attacked by a snake or somethitng traumatic involing a snake. i really dont know, but it was a good dream, best of all i recalled start to finish> * YIPPY*

ill let you know when i get more
thanks for reading

your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

i was laying down im meditation last night. i was told to meditate last night by the temple elders. so i looked on the net for something that could suite me, i found a chakra meditation. Its about balancing the chakras and filling them with white light, and then fill them with white water. it was good and i could feel it as the water filled each chakra. i was energised and it felt awsome. i then did some mediation on my brow chakra. Tyring to improve my clairvoyancy beacuse ive had alot of trouble past week or so. my astral senses, maily sight have been affected. The elders said it was because im confused. i guess they ment that beacuse ive bene searching for my past, its really confusing. And ive also had really bad problems with overlay and other things.

I eventually got ready for some past memory regrestion. I was showen more of me as a child, and it was cool to see my as a child again. it was rather interesting because when i was a child i didnt take any nuts, i didnt care how strong or old you were. if you did something wrong by me or my friends you were going to get hurt.

I quicly flicked though the ones i already knew to see if i would see anything new, but it didnt really work. I think it did help trigger more memories. The first one was of my around 6, i was staning in a room and next to me was a boxing ring. Infront of me was two fully grown men, i jumped into the air and knocked one out with one punch, and sent the other one flying. I was quite impressed with myself seeing that, but i wonted to know why. As it goes, they were doing something to my friends, so i think they deserved it.

another memory was around the same age. i was with colin and a nother child, who i think was ruby. these other grown men walked passed and teased us, i sorat lost it and morphed into my warewolf form with my claws out. I started to run at them but was stoped by a being, his name was magus. he told me to calm down and its not worth it. I steped passed him and began to run after the men and he stoped me. This time he placed his staff infront of me, it did the trick and i stoped.

I though what about the light section of the temple, i know i used to go there alot. So something showed to me, it was the light section with the huge fountain in the middle. i was showed by someone though these doors. It lead to the main room, it was all white and had a cafe sorta place to the far right. it had tables and benches all around. I coninuted to walk to the end of the room, though the door. It would apear that i have been here many times, i see myself walking off to the right and also poking my head in a bit and looking right to left. i followed myeslf down the left. i oped some door and inside was this being, it looked like a doctors room or something. i told the lady that i wasnt feeling good, she had me stand on this round plaque on the floor. She proceeded to scan me, and found something. But i cant quite recall. i then left that room and headed up the stairs. i went to this room that felt formilure. i opened it and asked if magus was here, a voice came and said he left. I dont think i asked were, i closed the door and walked somewere. I asked a few people were magus was but no one would tell me. *I knew he was in the cells below.. beacuse i was told afterwoods, and i could sense it* i then see myeslf heading for the main room, there i was greated by my guide and the elders. i also saw an angel there. i saw them place several object into me. They went on my feet, hands, head and finnaly my heart chakra. *this is now the comleted seal* after that i cant really remember as i fell asleep.

it gets sadder...

i was with colin and Ruby, we look 12ish but to me ruby and i look 15. colin would of been around 8 years old. we were playing at this place were we played all the time, it was in colins mindscape. Ive been there many times when i was a child. I stared to run away and the others followed me. I could sense this great evil thing going to attack us or semething. i couldnt really understand why, but i could tell it was after us. Ruby asked if i could take it on, i replyed. i dont know. we then fled to the tree house. we found our way to the top of the tree and sat inside the room. i was holding ruby and colin was infront of me. it would seem that ruby and i were close when we were young... this is what i could gather the last time i saw colin and ruby.
i also sense that someone else had to play there own part in the reasons why i never saw ruby again. i got a few flashes a while go, that the person who looked after ruby when i was gone thretening me. saying if i dont leave he'll do something. *something like that*

i remembered the file that magus gave me a while ago, so i started to read it. i found a few things of interest.

"when daniel sunk into himself he found this great energy. its not chakra or inner energy, its from the soul. Its unlimited and can replenish itself, im surprised it takes more people over 50 years to use it, and its usualy befor they die. Im surprised that a child could figure it out"

i went to magus after i read that, he smiled. he said i have a unique soul/energy body, i have items placed in my soul/ *they are like speacial rings, each one gives you a cirtain power* they were little black cubes and round objects, some were pointed. there were even some with gems inbedded in them. He said that they are form my rewards and from gods who placed them there. *really interesting if you ask me*

i then projected to the phenix temple, and saw a lady there. i walked over there and we started talking. i asked the old lady if i had been here forbefor. *meaning not aware* she chuckled and said yes. i went "ah" *remembering that i have* i then remembred the vision of my and colin stand there with a red headed girl. i asked the lady if she had been here, she said yes. but her guide told her not to visit. "Her guide was being over protective and wouldnt let her come here", it made sense. i cant recall ever seeing her again, untill a while ago. we talked for a little more. she seemed really calm and relaxed, she didnt seem to mind to tell me some of my past. I was pleased and headed to bed. i goto Rubies door and knocked, she ansered. gave her a hug and a kiss and headed for bed.

also went to bed in RL.. ni ni O/ (waves)

________________________________________________________

early that day, i went to see one of ashley's daughters. i went to see Rose, she is also training as a warrior
i went to her and she was at school, but she didnt look to happy. She was being teased yet again. i said if you wont to see **** i can take you down to the lower reaches of the lower planes. the kid remarked in a smart-butt kind of way. ive been ther befor... i wasnt going to play his bluff, so i asked him questions, and he couldnt asnwer some of them. i put my arm around rose and started to walk off, "dont need to hang around those people *hinting those low lifes* ". We continued to walk down the hall.. i was distracted by my boss asking me a question, so when i returned i asked Rose if she wonted to train. we started to spar and i was much quicker than her. i then made projection copies and she liked the idea. she tried but i tried to stop her.. her sister dian and mother ashley was watching and they told me to make her stop.. she was going to hurt herself if she keept it up.
I walked over to her and placed my hands over her, i said just relax. your trying to make a projection, she sorta sighed at me.. i told her the best way to achive it. but i had to leave at the time.

i waited to 11pm to finllay talk to colin and i talked to rose for a bit also. she confirmed what we were doing, she said that she can, but was having trouble. She said that each of my projection i give a diffrent colour. that is how she knows the real me..*now i had no clue about that so it good to be told*. she said she would love to move as fast as her dad, but even i have trouble keeping up... so i surgested i send a projetion to help you...

it came much later at the day, and i went to see Rose to see what she was doing, she was in school again. so i sat next to her, she looked at me. like wtf are you doing here. lol.. this guy goes thats my seat. i just looked at him and said something, *not mean >.<* and he took another seat. the teacher turned around and said, ahh **** your hear, lol.. i giggled and the class was like how he do that. lol.... i replaced myself with an inlution so the teacher would see the other boy not me.. he turned around agian and relised it was me. lol.. i was in angel form, like you couldnt miss me.. i left and headed out the door. i got this sense that someone was chasing me so i fled once again. i headed back to my body. i still dont know what it was




your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

i think this next part is self explanatory.. i was being told by Ashley..

*colin was also meditation on my memories and he found something that i didnt see.. he asked magus who confirmed it*

tWhen phoul was about to be born he was already in the astral. He told you that he was going to enter the physical world. You jumped with glee in hopes one day you would meet him. You wanted to meet him and ruby so bad but ruby died. You then grew a stronger will to meet phoul before one of you passed on. you became weary and started protecting him in real life and AP. You two decided on a safe point in the tree house. One of you was awalys there. You ruby or phoul. Then they placed the seal on you for wanting to become strong enough to destroy anything that would make it so you couldnt meet phoul. They didnt know why you trained so hard but they saw you as dangerous. You Then met phoul for the first time on IRC. You two got to talking and realised what had happened. Fate it seems did its thing once again

your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

a few things that has happened.

Rose, Ashlies daughter basicly beat up her fighting teacher.... and he decided to leave after that, she god expeled from the school in the temple. It was quite amusing really .. so they didnt have a teacher, and i offered to help. but they will have to figure out how. As rose and her class goto school when im at work. I talked to the elders, they are willing to let her back in. how ever she is my responsability. from what i gathered i taught them the basics again, speed mainly. it was good fun. the past 2 days i dont know what ive been teaching, so i have to ask her when i get the chance to speak to her.

tuesday night came once again, this time i brang along my 'mindscape' artical. the lady was having trouble understanding it, new age to her .. so from reading that, she knew i can project and do tk.. *but wait it got better...YEAH RIGHT *blinks** we once again starting asking questions, and about last weeks leason. A few ladies saw things and one could see the colour green ontop of the ones she could already see. i just noded and agreed to what the teacher was saying, and the night went on. I cant remember what we were talking about. no wait. she brang up about my artical infront of the group.. *sighs* i explained a few things, rah rah rah.. Next i dont know if this was a good thing or a bad thing. So ill let you work that one out.
Her guides came through and they were talking to her, they wonted to talk to me also. So infront of the whole group she started talking about things.. she asked if i have ever tried to tie someones shoe. i said no. she kept on the subject till i explained. "i can write on boards, and do other things, ive done a few things in canada". she looked confused but understood this, she asked if i have lived in canada. I siad no never left WA. she noded, and continue to ask me more questions. She was shownen a picture of a lady and her dog. i know who it was right away but kept quiet. "have you ever made someone say something, like yes", i siad no, but i have done telepathic surgestion a few times.

*oh and befor i forget, i was going to show them tk.... *

so now her guides were trying to give me some advice, wich was odd because some of the things i already knew. but as it went. "they say your advanced, but need to learn the basics", "you are a bit imature". i said yeah i know that, people tell me all the time. she then went on to basicly say sometimes you try and help people but you have to think about the cause and affect. i siad yeah i know that, i was talking to a friend and trying to help him, then this higher being or something came trough and said "Your afairs have no business with Him, Angel. Leave him be", i then said. i learnt that sometimes you have to bite your tounge and let them figure it out on there own. The teacher noded and said yes leason learnt. Her guieds talking again, basicly talking about how im so attached to others and to sometimes think about myself first then them. i said yes, i learnt to detach, i got taught by Aubus i think". she noded again and said another leason learnt.
we somehow got back to me projecting to canada *colin* and doing things. i then told them some of the above in my logs, how colin, ruby and i were all friends and yarda yarda. i mentioned the temple once.. thank god they didnt hassle me about them , and i bet her guides are watching me and that will be the first thing we talk about next week. i BLOODY bet it will be XD.. anyhow , she just sat back in her chair, and noded a bit more.. mind you 2 or so hours later. she finially get to talk to the others in the group. Some lady talked about how she could see green after the first class, i knew why. *later on that*. The teacher then asked, who can see beings. of course little to none could, one or two ladies stuck there hand up including me.. she looked at me and said well your psychic, so you *you dont count* somthing like that, not those words but i didnt feel very welcome.. we took break.

i happened to walk by the teacher, she wispered "what was just said, take it with a pinch of salt. i replyed what do you mean, pinch of salt. she said dont lisean to it.. she had this cheaky smile, im wondering if it was her lowerself who said that. but i dont know, i havnt really stoped thinking about it, it has opened my eyes. i really do alot of telepathic mind surgetion. and ive had to stop myself quite a few times.

while on my break this lady in my class started to talk to me, and said i needed to learn controll. i just had to smile and said i dont think so. She was pursistant on me, sayind thats what she feels. i tryed to explain its not control, its learning when to exersise my abilities.. *as some of you know, i have done several mindhacks on people. and one time the person didnt know about it, but was requested by the partner. the rest were psions and i was telling them what i got*

we headed back to class, and we sat down in mediation. we done the while light mediation. OH did i get board, i started projecting around the room and watching the dark room with a candle in the middle. i went off and talked to Ruby for a while . there was one part when it said, now you can fill your room with white light. visualise your holding the sord of light.. i just had to laugh hard in my head.. if you read my logs you will know why hehehe.. anyhow, it was a good mediation. we all came back and we ended class there. i helped the teacher carrying a few things, i wonted to help but i didnt wont more help *from her guides* so i didnt mention anything from the class.
The lady who told me a few things during our break, walked upto me and put her arm around me, and siad sorry about that.... Please dont leave us..

oh and have i been thinking about that, i dont wont to leave. but i really dont wont to make others feel that they are worthless, and worthless in my eyes. i dont wont them to hate me for it either. i was born aware, so well yeah..
she called me very psychic, now i dont consider myself psychic at all, and it was quite odd really. its second nature to me now *shrugs*. i also came the realisation that i have some infulenece over the others in the group, so the teacher wouldnt wont me to leave.

what was interesting was halfway though the night, she looked at me very serusly and asked me why was i here... now i was asking that myself all last week, so i said what i came up with. "im here to find others in my local area. i also wonted to see what others could do and share what i have learnt also. a teacher teachers a student, but a student also teachers a teacher. You all have the experance of life."... "i also went here becuase my parents wonted me to learn the 'proper and safe way'..so i wonted to keep them happy"
she was still like, ahh ok... i mean, i was way way past these people, but i went. *shrugs*..

the whole class had a huge smile on there face, to see that people can do these things, and furthermore i was one of them. sitting in there group.. i dont consider myself advanced or anything of the like.. im just me and i try and learn things that most would think science fiction on.. look back 100 years science fiction to goto the moon. etc etc..
i just aim a little higher than most, and i work my way there. im just normal.

i was talking to a mate about this. "A saint like to be selfishless", " A saint will show people what they can do, to inspire them. or when someone is in need of a good butt kicking".. i like that, i think ill start thinking like that.. be less imature and less over exited when i tell people about things that CAN be done

your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

hey all, more to come soon

rose once again got expeled from school, she nearly beat a kid to death.. this time, not so amusing. Ive figured out a way for her to get back in, but it envolves 'anger managment class's', and that didnt go down to well... so for now, she is schooless -_-.

i woke up encredably saw *more that usual*, aparently i asked colin to spar. Not the best of ideas, i got beat up. really badly .. he said i had no balance, and he would just tap me and i would fall over... so naturaly as soon as i woke up, my right ribs were stiinging badly.. i landed on them, a few to many time.. *ouch*..

we started to talk about some things that happend on the weekend, for instance.

i was watching a movie on sunday arvo, and i had this erge to see the astral. i did and i saw myself surrouned by dead bodies.. i thought it was my imagination, so i went back to the movie. i checked back roughly 5 minutes later and im still there, and so are the bodies. For some reason, i started to cry. and i felt the angel wings manifest and burst out. i was still crying for these people. my attention went away to the movie again. after a few moments i looked back to my astral self. I WAS STILL THERE... i thought if this is real, might as well help them. i stood them all up and there was these rays of yellow/white light around me and the dead people. i look at all of them, and i feel sad. i looked once agian, and i saw all the archangels come down, and take one body and rise up. there was one body left, so i took it up. I started to rise and i blanked out. i cant recall were we went, nothing.

i spoke to colin this morning, and he said yeah it happned. but he wouldnt tell me at first. so i dont know what i missed or didnt see. and i dont think colin going to tell me anytime soon. just have to wait and see.

befor i headed to bed, i projected to the temple. i showed colin mental images of the movie i watched, and i left. i started to run for a bit. i wonted to see if i could run faster, so i ran all around the place. i recall colin following me, he teleported back to the temple main room and so did it. but i went back as a wolf, a full grown wolf. the size of a childs head. it was really cool amd funny *hehe, well funny for me*. he walked to the main room with me still on his head, i jumped down and started to run around the room barking in my little wolf voice *CUTE*.... lol.. i was having fun, that all that matters. not sure if anyone else chukles but colin thought it was funny..

this morning i also learnt that i heal people while i sleep too. i was shocked, but said yeah. im ok for no training.. * DEAD set wrong*.. colin, sorta went silent, with the >.> | <.<... " you trained as a healer when you were 16/17.." " you were the top of your class".. im so let down, i just feel sad and stuff.. i cant recall or remember anything.. ive been down a bit today. i know when i spoke to colin and karen, they sensed it. they tried to cheer me up. but the fact is, im a trained hearler, yeah thats cool. but how can i help people concesly if i cant remember anything? i do alot of good when im sleeping, but i still cant do anything here.

i blamed it on that seal, i was talked to a temple elder about it today. from what i can gather is, because the seal affected my memory, it also affted it after they placed it on me, it some how altered my memory, and only my sub-c *on some form or lvl* can remember.. i still dont know HOW that could help me..
i dont think there are many people who can comprehend what it feels like for me. basicly i just do things and the sub-c will feed me how to do it. but like how often dose that happen?
i feel so wierd. by now would of thought i could handle more. but i dont know anymore. i just feel like i cant move forward if i dont know who i really am.


So from what i can gather, the healing training is why i harldy slept more than a few hours a day, and was always encredably tired beyond belief. but i know when i was 17 i was very athleticly, would ride my bike 1 1/2 a day, and exersised regualry. but who really knows, no one tells me much, so im not really surprised..

i get the feeling that, the more i know about my past the worse off my astral self is getting. basicly by me knowing things its altering how my abilites are preceved, like i know nothing really about my training as a child, there are few things i can recall, but my fight with colin brang up the same techniques i used, and they dont work anymore. its like im stuck at that age, beacuse i havnt seen myself get better. and its all my concise self knows about. so, like i said, the less i know the better. but its just meh..

i had a nothing memory vision. was about this little village, and how like hundres of children went from this town/village on bus's to the forrest, for some reason. so today i went back to the forrest. these two beings walked past me and asked why i was on privet propety. i said, i went here when i was a child. they stared at me for a moment, and went aahhh yes you, what are you doing back here..
i gave them a little history and said that i rememberd this place and a village somewere around here. they nodded... they also noted that when i was a child i was a raskle and very loyal to my friends, they also mentioned that my friends who i huge around were umm.. yeah.. i think out of hand is agood way of putting it .. they said i was welcome back at anytime, so i will be doing that shortly. i asked if i could bring a few friends. they said if they were with me, they would look at it with diffrent eyes.. meaning they wont gudge who i brang . they left and i sat on a log and thought about this place for a while longer. i was working at the time, so i stoped projecting and concentrated back on work.

for the past few weeks ive had this place in my head, and i dont know why. its like a city or soemthing, and i vaguly remember doing things there, like flying and playing chassy??.. also, one of like a room with a cat walk above it, its all metle tubing and looks milatry like. so i wonder what that is.\

also takled to an elder about me doing some training again, to relearn things. he didnt have a problem with it, but questioned me.. he really couldnt understand why i would wont to. but like i said, almost no one can understand me. but meh....

till next time
your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

well the village was infact the old courtyard of the phenix temple.. the forrest was 10 minues from the phenix temple, across the river. the place with the cat walk was infact a sewer. i rememberd another memory, turned out to be the end of the sewer and again the temple could be seen in the near distance.

i took the advice from a friend (firesea *love ya*), she surgest i project my sub-c to teach me how to fight agian. so i did this for like 4 hours. going over and through loads of things.. it was soo cool ..

____________________________________________________________

3rd night of SDC, *spirit devolepment class*, only 4 others showed up.. being valentines and all ... didnt really talk about much, and meditation was ok too..

your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

Im sitting here at 9:35pm on a saturday,forcing myself to type. So be thankfull at least..

I think ive had the worst week/ends in a long time. Ive had no sleep, or bearly any. Ive had a tummy bug for 4-5 days now, and its making me even sicker. Im so tired that i can bearly see the astral, let alone be there.

this all happend over the week, in no desired time frame.

After i trained for 6 hours that day i got home, and talked to colin. He was ill so i couldnt spar with him, i asked who else? he mentioned the temple protectors. I got exited, these guys are suposed to be the best. I went to sleep and for once i didnt wake up encrdably saw. I had a few little flash backs, and i saw i took on more than one protector when sparing. I was amazed as i watched myself totally kick butt. I evently got hold of colin, and he said that i was sparing two of them at once. i was so happy, i thought to myself ""your fiinally getting somewere". i was happy and i still am happy with my efforts, but i know i can do much better than that.

friday night came and i was to ill to go out with my friends, i even stood down a girl i liked.. and i know she likes me, i feel somewhat rotten inside. Im bearly able to do things, yet go out and see these people. i sat on the computer relaxing, i found myself in the phenix temple.

I walked thought the main doors, and sat on the clifs edge. I got a bit teary, as i have been mad and upset of meyself and humanity. I remember singing also, very soflty. After a few songs ruby sat next to me, and asked what was wrong. I looked at her and smiled, and continued singing. She lent over and rested her head on my shoulder. A few moments later and colin walked up behind me, and sat to the left of me. I was still teary and singing depressing and sad songs. I opened up my wings and placed them gently around them both. Colin once again looked at me, asking what was wrong. I said, "it dosnt matter, i have my friends and that is all that counts." i stayed there, but stopped projecting.

Ive been so angry and upset about alot of things latly, mainly myself. Im not happy with the way im handling things, i get upset easly. I get into debats on the internet and i make things worse, my english is so poor that i cant even defend myself. i get even more angry, becuase im tring to post my views on things. But others just wont accept them, tell me im wrong and try to correct me. That made me even more upset, i was pushing darn up hill.

i wonder why im placed on this earth. I know there is manything i can do that people struggle to even do the basics of. They fail to see that everything i can do, they can do also. They fail to see there are many ways to acomplish things, not just one set way. Its so hard to find people who will accept me and my views, i just wish i had better english skills and i wouldnt have a problem..
Give me a math problem and i can do it faster than most people, but when it comes to english... its better for me to just quite while im still down.

Im so tired of not sleeping, its affecting me physicaly and astraly. i feel worse about things, and im not getting better. My whoke body isnt working correctly, im trying my best to keep it healthy but it refuses to budge.

If it wasnt for some cirtien individuals, i would of left ages ago, and again this week. i cant handle skeptics, and i cant even handle mildly aware people. to me im normal, what i do is normal. I often forget that people havent learnt to do what i have. 80% of humanity cant even project propily. i mean good luck to them, i suport them for even trying.

Mum is starting to think that im so tired because i do to much of 'this stuff', i mean if she really really know what i do every day and night, i think she would be in shock and denial.. im gettin depressed over this all and its not helping im sick, and posibly getting worse.

i have the will to fight and be here, but sometimes even a warrior must surender.

your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

last night, so a few times in the past few week ive been delited in seeing horible nightmares.. *sarcasum intended*.. its not normal nightmares like people would face, apart form the ones i get while physicaly sleeping. I project, and the nightmares continue, they follow me into the astral. It has happened once befor, i not only sleep in the physical but in the astral also. I ap to find myself dreaming in the astral, and i keep having nightmares there too.
Last night was pritty bad for me, i wasnt feeling well and i had a headache the entire day after practicing with others about the mindscape and me going to theres and telling them what i see, and the revers. I also ask them to turn around and tell me what i look like. *sounds formilure to some of you *. i dont think the practice induced the headache, so i wiped that off my list. Never found out why, but i woke feeling well so im happy at least. The angels didnt lie in saying i would. I love the angels sooo much .

back to my nightmares, it was bizzare. i was sitting on the clift edge again and colin sat next to me, we talked i was leaning over to give him a huge while saying by. But that was when it all started, my head turned into my ware form and i almost took a chunck out of his neck. It took all my will power to stop myself, and i just lost it. I went into the air and started to beat myself up. For no reason what so ever i had this erge to bit people and maul them. I was getting angry at the fact i could controll myself, i was thinking this isnt me, why am i doing this.
I went into space and proceeded to argue and continue beating myself up.
at this stage the angels were trying to calm me down, i guess they knew i was haveing a night mare, but i didnt. it seemed that i was having a lucid nightmare, while sleeping in the astral.
I was bearly sleeping in the physical, and continuely woke up and wondering what was going on. i knew i was having a night mare but i couldnt stop it.
I layed back down and closed my eyes, trying not to see in the astral, but it was hopeless. i then found myself with Night Stalker, my wolf companion from the wolf temple. this was a real wolf. I could see him with so much clairituy, like he was right infront of me in RL. I was so amazed but i couldnt see passed a few yards, i stood up falling and holding my head from the pain, i also passed out a few times. I woke up with Night licking my face, i got back up to inspect the room i was in. I had a being infront of me, it was the old head protector, or old man as i refer to him by. i talked to me about something, and i could remember some of the convosation we had a few days ago. He wonted to train me further or something, i wasnt entirly shure. But this time he was talking about something else, but alone those same lines. I wasnt convinced and i called for damien, and he said yes its all true. i still dont trust my guide, so i asked a few astral dragons, including being to stay beind and keep me safe.
The two beings held my by my arms and i soon found myself flying in the air. We landed on what seemed to be a clift edge, but infront of me was a nother place, unlike i have every seen. IT was called the "dark temple", i was like WHY AM I HERE WHAT THE F.. one of them said, its not a bad place, its a place of learning. only the strongest are alowed here to learn. *something along those lines*. i knelt down and placed my hand on the earth, i felt out the whole temple, it was dark and i didnt like it. i could see the whole insides flashing in my mind, it looked old but used frequently. * i have no idea why* I then proceeded to convert all the darkness into white light. i got about 80% of the way and they tryed to drag me off, i called of the dragons and i jumped to the ground, and with all my might finished converting the temple to light. i heard an all mighty "NOOOOOO" and i blanked out. i woke up several moments later and i was behind someone on being, i dont know who, but i sliped off bejin and was caught by another dragon i know.

the oddes thing was i would passout and i would findmyself miles and miles away from where i blanked out form, i couldnt work out why. it felt like i closed my eyes for a second, but aprantly not.. i was starting to get more worried, and i woke up in the physcial again.

i once again fell asleep and went looking for the angels, and i was asked to purge with all my might, and i did. and i felt so light. i felt this dark thing fall away from me and i still not have this emtpy feeling in my stomach, i dont know why.

i got to the point of sleeping and not seeing, i fell asleep in RL and after a while more nightmares, but not from the astral this was my own nightmares. i hade severl dozen litle movies play in my night mare, it felt so real. in every movie someone would die in a horible way and i had to watch, i started to get really emotion, angry and i had a headache and feeling sick. i wonted to know what was wrong with me. i can still see all those people dieing in my head, i just wont them to go away!!..

i woke up agian, and went online trying to get colins attention as i was really worryed, i couldnt get him but i left him a message. i was scared and confused, i didnt know if this was a nightmare or real!!.

i woke up and colin was on, we talked and he said they wre nightmares, and he knew also. he woke me up at 6am by making my phone ring to wake me up. i dont think he could stand to see me like that, i know he was watching me when i was sleeping and in the morning. i could here hi m knock and get up and down off my chair.
im so glad to have him around, hes like my security blanket !!!

well, i just hope i sleep nightmarless tonight..

sweet dreams

your friend
lonewolf

[lonewolf]

last night saw SDC again, it was good. we talked about a few things, so that was cool. the ladies enjoy my company, and i guess in a way i promiss not to scare them, to much. they joke that i cant show off .. i reply, i can "show off" to encorage others, or when someone needs to be told to stop. one lady smiled and said, " well you didnt stop me" *same lady who told me i needed to learn controll*... i smiled and said your being a mother at home and here!. the ladies laughed a bit, and the said yeah its best to just let us talk. i agreed and said it again to her ..

meditation came, and i got board even befor the tape had even started to talk. i left the room and went around the room. I got bored and went out side i wanted to know what the rest of the school looked like. I went passes the toilets and i saw a bat in one of the top corners, at once i knew it was a neg, and killed it and burnt its body spiritually. i then touched the building when i was done with the bat, i closed my astral eyes and let the images come to me. I drew out the school like a blue print and scanned each room as i went. I saw this red dot moving so i went to investigate, i was this being with a red robe and a big round red hat. I saw her walking towards the door to getinto the building. i cant remember what i did, i think i sent another projection to her. i went off to the temple and started to talk to ruby. it was good, i was so board i started to fall asleep while in my chair, in the dark room. Thankfully the end came and i wondered if i could make the candle go out.
i had a lady joke, so can you light it with out matches. I paused and thought about that one, and replyed no, but i can make it woble and bend, once i almost put it out. so being me, i wonted to try there and then. and the second i thought about it, i felt this odd preasure in the middle of my head, and befor my eyes the flame vanaished. i thought "all right!!!", lets see if i can relight it. i saw the energy around the candle and changed it to hot red energy, i then concentrated on the wick and started to work those little particals. But unfortunaltly, i had to go and turn the lights on befor i could finish. *never mind i can practice during the week, would be neat though hey?*

[ lonewolf walks up, hey look what i learnt ]

i remember talking to the class about how i can project while awake, she couldnt work it out. but i backed up my clames enugh for her to look at me oddly. she said, youwouldn be able to do that with out being in a deep trace, to do what you can do. i said, well i can do it while awake. she came back to me later on in the evening, and said you cant project while awake, unless you split your concisness up. i had a huge smile and said, yep. that is how i do it. She went ahh, ohh.. XD..

after class i helped her pack up and the usual, and took things out of the room. we got talking again, and she said you are just to out there, to advanced for me. You could even teach the class, she looked at the other lady who was left *she teachers the healing class* and said, you know what he could be advanced more than you. the lady looked at me with an odd smile, but i think she knew it was coming..
i folled my teacher into a room to help move more desks, and she looked at me and said are you an alien or something, you are just. god..
i said, no ive been here many times.
i left and as i was leving, she still had that odd smile about her, trying to figure me out. she said you must be some angle or something, and then laughed. She tought it was a good joke , i said :"well while your talking about that" she stoped laughing and went "you not an angel" i said well part yes, ive connected to angel, archangel and sepherine concisness. My teacher rolled her eyes, should i tell her about the time the angels have come to me and asked for my help? or what about, nah i think ill leave all that for when she is like " you dont surprise me anymore" then i will spring my attack.. good or what??



your friend
lonewolf