JK's Second Jedi AP Trips

[JediKaren]

The Masters Hall
I went to the Jedi Hall as usual. I felt very alert and nearly hyper with energy despite the very late hour and being sick. I went to the elevator and was trying to decide where to go. I felt this urge, this call to go to the fifth floor. I reviewed to myself which floor was which. I had never been to the fifth floor and wondered what was there.
The door opened. I walked onto this platform. It wasn’t very big and you could look down to the other floors. I looked in front of me and saw him. I was told him to follow him. He went through the door and walked into an office of some sort. It was a very fancy office. It was nothing at all anything like on Earth. It was made of smooth stones and metals with royal, deep colors of reds, blues, greys, and purple. There was desk made out of metal with a big roundish chair behind it. The carpet was thick and fancy. I was allowed to look around before moving on. We went through another door to a small, narrow hall that matched the richness of the office with bright red panels on the walls. We went through one more door that went into a huge ball room. There were hundreds and hundreds of Jedi standing in small groups talking. There seemed to be no order or reason for this room and its people. I wondered were I was and why I was there. My answer was I was in the Masters Hall. This room was full of the greatest Jedi. Not all had been on the council, but were considered to be great. I argued with myself if I should ask why I was here. I settled this argument saying that I could only be told no. I asked and was told that I was there to learn more about the Jedi. He then went right and into the crowd.
I stood there, being shy. I never really like parties where there are a lot of people I don’t know. I drew on my experiences at parties and remembered how you do parties like this. You get yourself something to drink and then look for a group. You stand on the edge of the group and listen. When something comes up you comment, bringing attention to yourself. If you can you try to pick a group with one person that knows you so they can introduce you to the group.
I went to the back of the room where there were tables set up with drinks in glasses. There were several types of drinks. The first one I tried tasted like club soda which is satly and bubbly. I was surprised that I could taste while aping. I figured why not. I could do all the other senses. The next drink was yellow and looked like Mountain Dew. Unlike Mountain Dew it was not sweet, but extremely sour. The next drink was pink and as I grabbed it I was told not to by someone standing behind the drinks. It had alcohol in it. I stopped grabbing it. I asked if there was anything sweet I could drink. I was told to take a cup full of green liquid. I took a sip of it. It tasted sometime like Sprite and Surge. I took a glass of that and went back into the crowds.
I need a group that I felt that I had a chance of fitting in with. I scanned the groups of Jedi, looking for one. I didn’t find any so I picked one that seemed somewhat quiet. I stood near them , listening to their conversation. It seemed to be something that was common and a pain. I wondered in my head what they were talking about. Some of the people turned to me and told be it was about the problems of traffic. I knew they weren’t talking about cars. Another person turned and asked me what I thought. I hesitated, not sure how to explain myself. I decided to relate to the problems of my country’s traffic problems. I was getting looks that were the same that I had a few moments ago. I knew this conversation was not for me and quietly left when I could.
The next group was my last group that I would visit. What they talked about escapes me. I think they wanted to know how I got here. They were impressed, again by who had brought me. I talked for some time with them and then made my way for the door. Once at the door I met Yoda again and we went through the doors. I explained that I didn’t want to “disappear” in the crowd. It was then that I left.

[JediKaren]

An Angry Day
It was the last day before my parents would go away for five days. My father was driving me nuts by not letting me online because we had to keep our one phone line open. I was still sick, but my father wouldn’t let me sleep. He would call me every time I settled down to something.

About 2:30pm my father took a nap and I went to me bed to do the same only sleep would not to come to me. I decided to go to Roquel to see if he could get me to sleep. I went to the third floor of Jedi Hall. I didn’t have a clue where he was. A lady, coming from the healing room, asked if I needed help. I told her I was looking for Roquel. She said that the was busy with a student. She then asked why I wanted him. My answer for her was I wanted to sleep, but could not. She said that she could put me to sleep and that I needed to follow her into a room. She noticed that I was sick and started talking a closer look at me.

This was getting ridiculous. I just had a cold, nothing more. I pushed her hands away from me in an angry way. She looked at me and said she would get Roquel. I blushed now mad at myself. He came in and I felt even worse. He had me apologize to the lady. She explained to me that she sees someone ill she has to go look at them. It’s part of her job as a healer. She asked if I would let her finish and I said yes. When she was done Roquel had me lie on my stomach and put his hand on my neck. This calmed me into sleep.

That might I went to bed thinking. What I was really doing was delaying something I didn’t want to do. I really didn’t want to ap. I just wanted to sleep. My thoughts turned to my brother, who I haven’t seen since I was 11. I remember how right before he left he told me something about the horrible things my father had done to my family, to my mom. I suppose he wanted me to get angry and succeed. I remember the anger in me, directed at my father. I remember the night my father and he got into a huge fight and my father screamed at my mom to call the police. I remember trying to break up the fight and my mother telling my father he could call the police. I remember the last hug I gave my brother when he left the house. A lonely, sister pain took me as I thought of this pain.

I aped to the temple, not wanted to get into trouble. I went into the Hall and saw him. Mentally I said “NO” loudly. He was the last being I wanted to see in my moment of painful memories. I made myself follow him into the elevator. The door opened at the second floor and I was told to go out. The door closed behind me and I was left in a floor that I knew nothing about.

I decided to roam the halls. A guy called my name. I didn’t know him. I followed him to a room with two cushioned seats with a roaring fire. The room seemed to be familiar. I remember the look of this room from months and months ago when I went for counseling. I was told to take a seat. I choose the seat closet to the door. I was asked to explain what was wrong. I haltingly told about my brother. I didn’t want to discuss this. I asked if I could go and find Roquel. He said yes. I told him I didn’t know how to get out of here. He lead me to the elevator. I went to the third floor. I walked out and called out for him. He came and asked me what was it. I wondered if he had an office that we could talk, for I did not want the whole place knowing about my brother. He said yes and took me there.

It was a homely office with lamps and thick, comfortable chairs. I told a seat and tried again to explain myself. I didn’t get very far when there was a knock at the door. In real life my body twitched and I recognized this as a sign of who was coming. I was entirely sick to death of Yoda. The thought of running, well aping to my room came. As the door opened I paniced and aped to my room before I had a chance to think. I spent a few seconds in my room when I saw him again and then stopped aping all together.

In my room I was breathing hard. What had I just done? I was in trouble, big trouble. I ran and was a chicken. Now what would happen? Could I be forced to go back? A deep sleepiness came over me. Yawns took me with great force. I lay down and was nearly asleep when I realized this was no ordinary sleep. I was being made to sleep. Why though? I wondered if once asleep my ap body could be pulled out and forced to face him. To protect myself I would have to stay awake. That was easier thought of than done. I had to keep moving in my bed to stay awake. For some time the war between on went on. I was growing tired, wanting a peaceful rest, but I would not give in. I would show that I was stronger than that. No one could put me to sleep unless I wanted it. He would not be an exception. Then again, I was wasting energy. I couldn’t fight this forever. I would pay from lack of sleep in school, in class. I would have to go to sleep sometime.

I sighed and gave in. I was told to say it out loud. I did so, though not very willingly. I was told to get comfortable and still. I did so, but sleep did not come for a long time. When it did, nothing happened. I dreamed of using the Force to put out candles.

[JediKaren]

Trancing
well I was going to lie and sleep like I said I would
but then Roquel start talking to me and convinced me I should go ask questions, like you suggested
I was thinking about that 3 states of healing and wanting to turn it into an article, but I couldn't because I didn't know really anything about what tracing is, how it differs from mediation and from normal use and how to do it.
Roquel explained to me that trancing is like meditation in that you must be really calm and relaxed and open to the Force. But instead of drifting with the Force you control the Force while in this state.
Well I’ve done that before. In fact that was my attempt at meditation until I got told by Craig and then later on by that meditation guy that I was doing it wrong.
so I went to Yoda's door and tried to figure out what I was going to ask. I knocked, let in and told to sit down. Well I tried to talk, but somehow the words refused to come out the right way and ti took me awhile get it out. I should of known that I can't try to reherse anything before hand with him.
So I finally asked how to do it. He told me that you have to calm down, that took a long time to do and I never really got totally calm. then you have to feel the force, that was also hard due to the fact that I wasn't really calm. Then you have to focus the force within. I was told to notice the energy within me. I felt the energy rising upward and wondered why.
then the answer came to me..well a guess anyhow
I figured that it must be because I'm aping and I'm sorta being in a higher state so my energy on earth is rising to my ap body. yeah, well it never was a very good trance. A Jedi trance is suppose to be much deeper, but I was getting really tired and explained that I meant to sleep, not train.
and then I left and went to bed.

[JediKaren]

During the afternoon I aped to the Hall to go find Yoda to do some training. Only I couldn't find him and stood there feeling like a uncertain fool, not knowing what to do. I sensed that he was in the forest room, went there and found he was gone. I decided for whatever reason he didn't want to be around me and I should stop tracking him.

I aped to Hatais's room. I was let in, sat down and asked why I came. I told him that he said some time earlier that I had been avoiding him. So here I was, not avoiding him. We got talking, I think about the president or something that I didn't want to talk about and told him I didn't come here to talk about that. I wanted some training and got told to go to the Jedi to get it.

I left his room, amazed that we didn't fight and I was well behaved. I went to the hall. A Jedi, from the movie's council walked up to me and said that the council was waiting for me. I stood there shocked and scared. No one had warned me in anyway and I wasn't prepared at all to go. I had no choice but to follow him. I was mentally freaking out. I asked him to stopped. I turned away and tried to convince myself there was nothing to be scared of. I had done nothing wrong and I had nothing to hide. But I still had to wonder what if I had done something and I didn't even know about it. I came to the fact there was no point in worrying and guessing. I would have to find out. I said that I was ok and ready to go. I know we walked through a lot of stuff, but I don't remember where we walked. I wasn't looking. I suddenly found myself in that hallway with the door to the council room in front of me. I was asked to wait for a moment. I was glad for the rest.

It didn't take long for the door to open. I froze, unable to get myself to move. I was also scared to make them wait and have to get someone to nudge me in. I took a deep breath, gathered all my nerves, let my ego inflate and acted so Jedi like that I could feel my mark glowed a bit. I went in and strangely enough I was calm. I mean really really calm. I was silent too. I made myself look at the Jedi. It wasn't too bad. I wasn’t scared or stressed. There was a very long silence. I knew that I was being read more than an open book, but I didn't mind. I couldn't feel it anyway. Then a bit of talking went on, I forget what was said. Then more silence. I still was keeping cool and calm. I asked why I was brought here. I was told that they wanted to check on my progress of my lightsaber, Force skills, health skills and how the psionic sites where doing. I had to wonder why they cared about the sites and then I remembered the sites are the future Jedi or Earth. I went over in my mind all the skills and decided nothing was really good well. Then I thought about them again and thought I was being too hard on myself. True I hadn't practiced with a lightsaber for a while. I explained to them that I hadn't had much time to really train. I also said that I had tried earlier that day to do some training, but I couldn't find a certain someone. Somehow I had the Jedi nerve to stare right into Yoda's direction while saying this. He didn't do anything that would tell me anything.

It was getting late, past 11pm and I need to go to bed. There was a silence again and I didn't want to break it because I was being impatient, but I wasn't going to not get enough sleep either. I explained, in the best way that I knew how, that I needed to go, but offered to stay if they weren't done. I was let go. I walked out the door. I remember this feeling of happiness and success grow, but I tried to keep it in check. I could party once I stopped aping. Then appeared, in front of me, Obi Wan Kenobi smiling at me in this "good job" way. I walked through him, like he was a ghost, which I guess is right..but then again aren't I in ghost form too? Well I stopped aping, grabbed my kitty and let myself mentally party. I knew I had rocked and done incredibly well. It's weird how, when it counts, I can pull it all together and do a miracle.

[JediKaren]

Stressed
I went to my bed tired and stressed. I seem to be stressed a lot. I think it from the boredom of school and moving. I can’t stand school because we don’t do anything or it’s mindless review and busy work. I hate the rude, immature, lazy kids who are part of my class. Half of them refused to show up to class. I sick of teachers complaining. I would very much like to pick a fight with some guy and not stop until I was pulled away by security. Of course, I couldn’t do that because it’s not very Jedi like of me.

I went to Calmista with the hope of getting comfort and compassion. Without friends and internet I’m extremely lonely. I don’t want to ap because I don’t really know anyone. All my psi friends don’t really know me or care about me. I’m lonely for a guy. I need a parent who shows their love for me and not just period concern. I don’t want to train when I am stressed and tired.
Calmista allowed me to get comfy in her bed. She talked some and I started to cry. It wasn’t a noisy cry, just a stream of tears with my heart in a million pieces. Gosh, I needed Calmista. I hugged her with deep love and respect. She held me for a while, letting me cling to her like the child I felt inside.
The cat jumped on my bed and I broke the link to close the door. When I came back she had me lay in her bed again. I wanted to hug her again, but she wanted me to grow up and sleep. I did try, but my mind was too full and my heart too torn with emotion.
I aped to the Jedi Hall, not sure why, but in the hope pf finding calm and sleep. Once in I saw him and suppressed a sigh. I followed him down the hall, towards the end and to a room on the m\right. He opened the door and I went in first. The room looked like a restaurant with linen tables and with wooden chairs. The walls were made out of varnished, polished wooden beams, hortizonly nailed in.
A waiter in black suit led us to a table near by. I looked around and was reminded of a fancy and expensive French restaurant that my aunts had taken me for dinner last year. A picked up a menu, but didn’t read it. What on Earth was I doing here? Why have a fancy restaurant here. They couldn’t eat could they? I remembered the Master’s Hall and how people drank there and answered my own question. The waiter came and took our menus. I was startled about this because I hadn’t ordered anything. It didn’t seem to matter though.
There was a glass of water with ice near me. In my room I was thirsty as anything. I took the glass and drank half the water, but as cold and food as it was. It didn’t anything to relieve me of my thirst. My thoughts returned to the room I was in and I felt a shock of surprise to remember the waiter. He was wearing a suit and looked like he belong on Earth. I wondered if I should ask, but was spared the trouble when the food came.
We were given a bowl of soup. I’m a picky eater and never had enjoy soup much. It was a cream of something soup and one taste of it confirmed my dislike. I drank some more water and decided I had been quiet for too long. I asked about the Earth look. I was pretty calm and relax for once. Talking wasn’t embarrassing as it normally is. I got a long explanation.
As I’ve already been told, most Jedi don’t like Earth that much. They think we’re too simple, silly and stupid. Yoda is one of the few who respects Earth for what it is. He also has a great amount of power, which is why the restaurant is doing an Earth style theme for some time. I realized it was not a mistake I was here, in this room and came when I did.
Our main meal was a cut of some strange meat. Normally I love all meat that is not fish. This stuff was a tan color with a pink center. It reminded me of pork chops that weren’t cooked enough. I cut a slice and ate it. It was very tender. I didn’t like it. I knew it would be rude if I didn’t eat more. I was going to use the excuse that I already had dinner and wasn’t really hungry if I needed to.
When that plate was cleared I realized that we hadn’t had a vegetable. I hate vegetables and I always make this clear at dinner at home. To spite me a salad was placed in front of me. I would have to eat this without a slightest scene. I ate some of the greens. Finally dessert was presented. It was something like cake and flan mixed together. It was the best part of the meal. At one point my water glass had been filled and of course I thanked the waiter. I did have manners, even if I don’t show them most of the time. At the end we got up to leave and both of us thanked the waiter. He went first, but I would of, if I had time. This seems to be the only room that I know how to behave and will behave. Once I was out of the restaurant I stopped aping and went to sleep, trying to figure out the meaning behind everything.

[JediKaren]

Last Night
Although I went to bed at 9 like usual I stayed up in bed reading for half an hour. My dad yelled at me for not being asleep so I turned off the lights and got ready to ap. I was half hyper and twitchy. This made aping hard to do, but I managed it. The Jedi Hall seemed to be especially peaceful and calming. I walked pass the hall and then stopped. I wanted to go to him, but I didn’t know where he was and figured he must be busy and didn’t want me around. I was in the mood to train or at least have something to report so I aped to the third floor and went looking for Roquel. The woman healer said that he was a classroom, the one I had been in before and was waiting for me.

I walked over to the classroom, came in and went shy. We took a long time to greet each other. He was being amused by my shyness. I got sick of it and blank out asked him what I was going to learn. He said he would tell me if I took a sit. I did so, but could not sit still in real life. He waited until I stilled myself and lead me on a series of questions that were somewhat annoying. He asked me what I thought I would learn. I had no idea. He was the teacher, he should tell me. I remembered from the other day when I was talking with Xan and complaining he won’t teach me. Xan’s response was I wasn’t asking to learn anything. I said that it’s up to the teacher to teach the student what they need to know. Xan said that he doesn’t work that way. I knew that Roquel was doing this to me even though I don’t approve of this method. I said that I would learn a theory about the Force. He asked what theory. I didn’t have a clue and told him so. He asked me what I would like to learn. I said I didn’t know, but I didn’t want any review. I had enough reviewing in school and it was way too boring. He said that I would learn about how the Force affects society. I asked didn’t we already go over that? He said no.

Society needs the Force as the Force needs society. The Force effects society in everyway. When a country has been through hundreds and hundreds of years of war and other problems it’s because there are dark energies there effecting it. Now when a country has been through something more recent it’s because a negative stream of energy has been running through the country.

The Force affects society in the way it’s run, what they speak, cultures and other aspects. When there are good energies and strong, leaders you will find a democracy. When you have bad energies, and one very strong, but dark leader you get dictatorship. Different languages are the result of the Force being used in different ways. Religion and traditions are directly related to the energy present and how the people view it.

At this point I was having so much trouble being still he asked if we should go to meditation. I took his hint and assured him that wasn’t necessary. He explained that I have to learn it and I should stop hating it. The more he talked the more he wanted me to learn it. So he had me walk out of the classroom and to a room that was right next to the healing place. The room was very simple with a blue matted floor and white walls. He had sit down and quiet my mind. He sat down too and put his hands on my back. At first I hoped that he would rub my back, but he said that he was just going to press on various stress points. I wondered if he knew about the last few horrible weeks and he said yes. Calmista had kept him informed of my tearful trips to her room.

Although it wasn’t a message, it sure felt good and I quieted down. After awhile I asked to stop because it was late and I needed sleep for a Spanish test I thought I would be having.

[JediKaren]

Higher Plane
After two days of what seemed to be an online nightmare, things finally came out on the right side, though it was not easy. I went to bed angry and upset and nervous. Paul had told me to go to Yoda and for the life of me I didn’t know why. I was half dreading the trip, but I knew I couldn’t back out. I would have to go.
When I got to the door of the Hall the guard told me I was expected, which didn’t make me feel any better. I walked in and saw him. I was in state and started to cry when I made myself stop and walk nearer to him. For a while I was at a lost of what to say. I argued to myself to just be myself and not think of anyone. I shouldn’t do this for Paul or the Jedi. I should do this for myself.
I said hi and he greeted me back. He asked me how I was and mentally I raged. Oh how I hate that question. Why must everyone in the world ask that when the answer is the same. Socially you are expected to say “I’m good”, but in reality you aren’t, but you can’t say that. When a Jedi asks you that question you can’t lie, but you also must also be socially polite. It’s a trick question no matter how you answer it. It’s not fair! With that going through my head I came up with the best answer anyone could give. “I’ve have far, far better days” was my response. It was polite, informing and truthful. He smiled at me which annoyed me because I didn’t know why or how to take it. He told me to follow him and I did, though I was still depressed, fearful and moody.
I tried to guess where we were going and forced myself to stop. I am horrible at trying to predict these trips. He stopped at his “room” I guess you would call it and went in. It was strange for him to take me there because I had always gone on my own there. I didn’t want to go in. I thought I knew what exactly was going to be talked there and I would do anything but talk about it. In the end I went in and the door closed on itself. More dread went through me, but I reminded myself I always have the ability to stop the link and not ap. I was told to sit. He closed his eyes and I knew I was suppose to meditate. I really didn’t want to. I reminded myself again that I broke the “don’t go to the Jedi Hall in fear” rule and this was my punishment, as I saw it.
For few minutes I kept thinking and feeling, not meaning to, but forgetting to calm down. A suddenly strong peace fell on me and it felt like someone had entered my mind. I wondered why my defense system hadn’t kicked in and raised hell. I decided I hadn’t been attacked yet so there was no reason to get started. This feeling of white calmness was still there and I wondered what I was suppose to do. Then he started talking.
His voice was strange. It was nothing at all like in the movies. It sounded human, calm, and almost flat. He said since I was scared of the movie version of him, he was using his real voice, the voice that the real Jedi knew. He said that what I saw in the movie was not true. George Lucas had put a certain spin onto the character and what made me giggle and fear was not the real thing. He did, however, had all the same powers and the same sort of powerful, all knowing calm.
He switched topics to UL, where the nightmare had happen. He said I should stop picking fights. Also I shouldn’t leave. When the site falls again, and he sort of hinted it would, I could fight again. I need to learn when to stop fighting. I could not believe he said that I didn’t know when to stop fighting, but he would not take that back. He also said that the reason why he took me, since I haven’t ever come to any peace, is because I’m so dedicated to him. I had the true honest loyalty that no one on Earth has, so how could he turn me down?
On the last subject he told me that this where feeling was the feeling of a higher plane. He would not explain why I was brought here, because that was something for me to figure out myself. A certain pain in my head and stomach started. He told me to stop fighting it. I did and some of the pain went away. There reason why I couldn’t see anything was the plane was too advance for me. He said that we would go back to the lower plane, to the room we were in. It was a very strange dropping feeling when I was back in his room. The pain hadn’t stopped though. He said that I should meditate, but because he knows I hate it I could go back to sleep. I thought about it and ask if it was ok if I did it in my room. He said yes. I broke the link and opened my eyes. The pain was bad enough that I didn’t want to do anything, but possibly run to the bathroom and be sick. I didn’t, but instead I thought for a while and reviewed the trip in my head. I realized that the meditation would help the pain. I meditate for about thirty seconds and got distracted. I tried to sleep, but that didn’t come until past midnight.

[JediKaren]

A Strange Night
As I sat in bed I didn’t want to come, but that the same time I did. I knew that this night could be interesting at least, but I was half scared of it. I calmed myself and appeared at the doors of the Hall. There I was let in. He was there and motioned for me to follow him. He went into the elevator and I followed, but I would not look at him. The door opened and he went out first. I was too busy thinking to keep track of the level we stopped at and was disappointed to find myself in the third floor. I thought he was going to hand me over to Roquel, something I didn’t really want. I reminded myself that the night before I was promised to be trained by him personally and maybe he would keep true to his word. We walked past all the rooms I had been in to the end, opposite of the elevator shaft. There was a room that looked exactly like the mediating room I had been in with Roquel. My thoughts wondered why they made the outside wall glass and not plastic and I decided that glass looked better. Then I had to wonder why they put in glass at all and not leave it open. I decided that I didn’t make the place and I have never really understood builders.

He opened the door and both of us went in. He walked to the right, back corner and stood there, facing me. I was at the door wondering what was going to happen. He was placed in the perfect spot to attack me and yet nothing happened. I knew I looked like a dork standing at the door and asked why I was here. He had me guess. I told him, in a moment of courage and annoyance that he was suppose to tell me that. My guess was lightsaber training. He shook his head. I then guessed meditation and he said yes. I silently groaned. This was going to be boring after all.

I asked him a question I had thought up before I started aping that night. I asked how long had he known about me. He said six years. Six years, that meant from when I first started training and also meant he didn’t know me for long. I asked if he had known me when I was eleven and saw the movies with real interest. He said no, only when I was 13 and decided to become a Jedi. He said that Calmista had pointed me out to him. Pain and guilt ripped through me. I wasn’t special after all. My premature birth and natural skills hadn’t attracted him, just my respect and love. I wanted more. I wanted to be something above the normal Jedi. I didn’t exactly want to be Anakin, the choosen one, but I wanted to be one that level of powers. I wanted to be noticed and respected. I wanted fame. All of these wants aren’t in the least bit Jedi like. I was close to crying and was fighting the strong urge to run away from him. He came over and I cried out for him not to. I couldn’t stand it. It was all so wrong and yet it was my honest feelings. He put a hand on me, making everything ten times worse. He said that I would be a great Jedi, but I couldn’t see how. I didn’t have any thing above the rest.

I had to leave, but I could not just take off. I could train, not in this emotional state. I asked if I could come back the next night. He said no. I begged that I need to think, to calm down, and to come to terms. He would not let me leave. It was going to be horrible. He wanted me to train. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. He would not move and nor could I. I could feel him waiting. I looked out the glass, wishing I could just leave. I knew I would have to go through with this. I sighed and gave in. I was told to sit down. I did so. He made me look at him. For some seconds I refused to, but in the end I did, full of fear and everything. Somehow I quieted down. He took my hands in his and told me to close my eyes. I got the hint that I was suppose to meditate now. I talked myself into feeling the Force, but it wasn’t there, or I wasn’t opening myself to it. I was scared that if I did open, I would open myself up to him. I thought about the Titanic song that I used 6 years ago to feel the Force. I played it in my head and it did its magic. I opened up and felt a stream of energy flow through and around me, but I did not flow with it. I felt the pull of him, tugging at me and finally unrooting me from my place. We flowed for a short time lost in the current of energy.

We came to a waterfall and before I had time to do something I fell for a long time and then splashed into the small and deep pool at the bottom. I was brought back to the surface with the water raging me through. I caught a branch and hung on. I managed to climb the banks and once on land I choked on water, gasping for air. I stood up and felt rather than saw him like a ball of light and energy. I tried to catch up to him. He weaved in and out of these trees by the river. I jumped back into the river, hoping the water would be faster than me running. As I traveled down the river, the water was slower and shallower. It finally was low enough for me to walk and the banks grew higher. I knew there was once a great river, but not now. When there was just a trickle of water I climbed the tall banks. I saw that there were woods and a small hole in this hill. Next to the hill the land and sky disappeared into this thick white fog. I walked past the cave, not wanting to repeat the movie. Besides I had a lightsaber and I couldn’t go in there. I looked down and saw that I had no lightsaber. Well I would face the fog. I wasn’t scared of a fog, no matter how thick because I had the Force and didn’t need to see.

I took a few steps in the fog and was completely lost. I reached for the Force and found it strange and confusing. It was like the Force was scrabbled. I thought about him and his feeling and tried to track him, but that didn’t work. This was a very strange fog. I went through my options and decided to use a different type of energy. The only energy I could remember how to gather was the sun. Warning bells went off in my head. That energy only brought on overloads and headaches. I argued with myself. It would be strong enough to burn through this fog. I decided it was my only option, though I thought I understood the dangers of this energy. I focused on the burning, bright fiery flames of the sun. I could feel its intense energy enter me. I only gather what I needed and that wasn’t much. The energy was so strong and when I linked I had no problems finding him.

I walked through the fog, burning with energy and slowly destroying every nerve. I knew the time I stopped I would dearly pay. When I came out of the mist I grounded. Well I tried anyhow. I told and directed the energy to the ground, but the energy did not obey. Instead it cracked and swirled around in me. I tried thinking about how solid the ground was and even that did nothing. Panic was starting to grow. I had to get rid of this energy before I harmed myself. I reached out and touched a tree. When I sent the energy to the tree it caught on fire. I stared in disbelief at the hand size flame. I took a step back, now in fear. I was a walking danger to everything. I looked at him and told him I couldn’t ground. He put out the fire with his hand and said to use the energy then. To use the energy sounded like using the darkside. I would just harm more stuff. I was told to use it in a safe manner. I walked away from him. How could I use this? I shivered. I guessed that the overload was causing me to feel cold. I decided to build a fire. Then I wondered if I would set fire to everything. I reasoned that if I could walk and not burst out in flames I was probably safe. I made the fire and thought. It was getting late and I needed to sleep. I needed to end this. I wonder where exactly was and what was going on? How could a simple mediation turn out to be such a complex, action filled adventure? If I were just to end this would I return to the room we were sitting in? I had no idea what I had done.

I somehow raised myself out of this place, but I forgot one thing. I was still badly overloaded. Pain screamed through my head and all senses were lost in a mass of confusion. I was half in the plane with the fire and half in the matted room. I could hear him call out my name. It sounded faint in distance. I focused painfully on him and slowly brought myself back to my sitting self. The pain was intense and all I could think of was “ow”. I asked, half hearing myself, if this training was always going to bring pain. He said no. I told him I was going to break the link. He said that the pain would go away, but he didn’t say how long that would take. I tried to sit up in real life and it took two tries to do it. My head felt so weird. The back my head felt so messed up I had no idea what was going on with it. For a while I lay in bed, tired and confused. I tried to ap to Calmista and found that hurt like crazy. I tried to slowly and gently easy my spirit to her room and did it. She brought me to the Jedi where for several hours they tried different methods of getting me to sleep. Nothing would work. Calmista asked me to let him try it, seeing that it worked the night before. I said no, I had more than enough of him for one night. She pleaded and after a while I gave in. It did not take long for me to fall asleep and get a short six hours of dreamless sleep.

[JediKaren]

Emotions
During the morning my father had greatly annoyed me to the point of anger. He then found out that I, some days ago, turned off the sound on the computer and grounded me for a day. I blew up at him, cursing him out, running to my room crying. I screamed at him, and at my mom, grabbed my shoes and took a two hour walk. Calmista tried to talked to me as I went off into the woods, but I shut her up. I was in no mood to hear any one try to talk to me.

Later that day when I settled down to take a nap I went to Calmista’s room and fall asleep. When I walked in I noticed she wasn’t looking at me and I sensed she was angry. For a few seconds nothing was said. I was starting to regret coming to her. She finally stopped looking at the computer and faced me. Her anger seemed to melt away. She said that I was in trouble with him. Fear took me and then I thought about it. This was so stupid. It was just another scene. I had spent weeks and weeks waging war against my parents about moving. Then I remember the intensity of that anger and keep silent. I was allowed to lay on her bed and sleep.

The closer it came to bedtime the more scared I grew. I was going to pull off a calm, don’t care mood, but that wasn’t going to happen. Once in bed I couldn’t get myself to go. I talked and reasoned with myself for 15 minutes. I tried telling myself that if I didn’t go I would make things ten times worse. If I didn’t go Paul would lecture me the same thing and I certainly didn’t want that, plus I would be in more trouble. The Jedi part of me managed to overpower the Karen part and I appeared at the door. I knocked and was let in, though thoroughly scared. At first I closed my eyes, hoping beyond hope he wasn’t there. I made myself look and yeah he was there.

He came over to me, too close for comfort. I couldn’t look at him and was fighting a mad urge to run. I knew if I ran my reputation would be out the window, not that I had much of a reputation. The calm, reasonable Jedi part of me made me look at him. Nothing happened. I made myself sense what his emotions were. He seemed slightly amused and sort of a sighing disappointment. I had to break the silence, but I didn’t know how. I decided to say hi, but then what? If I then asked “what’s up” “how are you?” or “what’s new?” I would be asked the same and I didn’t want to answer. Well I had nothing else to say so I went ahead. Of course he had to ask “how are you?” and all the curse words came to mind. I said I was ok, which was a lie, but I wouldn’t say the truth. I couldn’t let him know I was scared and dying to be anywhere than here.

He had me follow and a slight sense of relief went through me. We went into the elevator. He asked me again how I was doing. Oh, it’s not fair! I was literally trapped into a corner that I couldn’t get out of! The Jedi part of me said he wasn’t going to let this go until I said the truth. The Karen part of me was having fits, but the Jedi part won. I said I had six or so emotions. He asked me to name them. I said I was scared, angry, worried, distressed, annoyed, and tired. The door opened and we were on the third floor. I silently groaned, thinking I would be forced to meditate and get rid of these dark side emotions. It was only fair and would do good to me.
I was right in that we went a meditation room. I was told to sit. He came behind me and touched my back. I was so scared and surprised I jumped and moved away from him. For some reason his touch repulsed me. The Jedi part of me was having a very hard time controlling the Karen part. Eventually I got myself to close my eyes in an attempt to meditate, but the Force would not come. I decided to mentally go on a walk through the woods near my house. I went down every path I knew and when I was done I was much calmer. He told me to follow him.

He went out of the room and back to the elevator and then went past it. Beyond the elevator is this white misty stuff. It looks like the room just disappears into nothing. I’ve never felt a need to explore this mist because I didn’t think anything was in it or past it. He went into the mist and after a second I went into it too. It was pretty thick and I remember him taking my hand and guiding me through it. We came to this glass wall and stopped. Behind the wall was something like a screen or something because there seemed to be a huge movie going on. The movie was about me. It was like someone video tapped me and I was now seeing myself through all my different trips. I watched myself fight though people with my lightsaber and decided I was pretty awkward with that lightsaber. I could handle it, but didn’t have any grace. At the end of the movie I was allowed to go and I didn’t waste time getting out.

[JediKaren]

came home, tired, then finally went there. For some reason he's decide to stop the whole "how are you thing" and just told me to follow him. We went down the hall to a room on my right and I was told to go in. I went in, the door closed and I looked around. The room was bare, but I remember it being greenish blue and light. There was a man in the corner to my right.
he was sitting down. He told me to come and sit down too. I did. umm hold on, trying to remember what he said
umm my memory is being worthless, but he said something about being really good at meditate. I told him I thought meditation was useless unless you wanted to calm down. He said that I just didn't know how else to use it. He named some uses
You can use it while moving, like getting rid of fear. You just send the emotion away, streaming through you as you run or walk. You can use meditation for healing of course. Um I think there was more, but I can't remember
oh, that's right, we went into the differences between a trance and meditation when he went into healing. Trancing, you're only focused on your body and nothing around you. Meditation you can still be aware.
and you meditate everytime you ap, even though I do the worlds quickest meditation when I ap.
hmm I think that was it...argg...this rain isn't helping me. umm I think I left afterwards, but then went to Calmista and talked to her for a while and then went to bed

[JediKaren]

My Park
Paul wrote me a letter telling me about my behavior and how I’m getting close to being kicked out if I don’t shape up. The words really didn’t sink in until I had lay down to nap when I decided to go to the Hall and found that I couldn’t. I tried several times, but each time I could not reach it. I tried appearing to Calmista’s door with no success. Paniced, I loudly called out for Calmista, who came to my cry. I explained to her I couldn’t ap. She told me to hold still and did something that I could not feel. She said to ap to her room. I did so and found that I could go there. Once she let me into her room I asked if I had been kicked out of the Hall and why. She said I hadn’t. She told me I was to go to the Hall, but I must do as told. She made me promise I would do that, but would not tell me anymore.

I went to the Hall, was let in and saw Yoda. For a while nothing happened. Then a bright light came into my view and completely took over me. I found my astral body back in my body. I felt a slight tug of my ap body. I wondered outside of my body, but in my room. I walked through my house and out onto the drive way. At the end of the driveway I looked at the house opposite of us and saw him again. I was pretty shocked to see him. I was also kinda of nervous and worried about someone seeing us. I didn’t like the idea of us being so…naked, so public. I reasoned with myself that no one was around and no one could see us. I had walked pass my parent’s room with my dad in it and he never saw him. I waited for the cars to go by and raced past the road to him. I asked him why was he here and where were we going? He said that maybe I could feel more comfortable in my neighborhood. This was true. The trouble with the temple it wasn’t Earth in any sense. Everything is so weird and makes me feels weird. For the second question we were going to the woods in the park that was a block away. He waited and once again I asked what. He said I was to lead. I asked why. He said because I knew park so well. This felt extremely weird. He asked why. I didn’t know and wouldn’t put it into words. Maybe it was because he always did the leading.

I went through the park, past the tennis courts, past the wooden, low fence, past the huge rock that I call My Rock. We went into the woods on this gravel trail that follows a big stream. We came to the stepping stones. The stream was up, for it has been raining extremely hard for three days. He jumped from one side of the stream to the other side. It was a huge jump and it had me staring. I knew I was suppose to jump to, but I didn’t know if I could. I decided I would just have to try. It wasn’t like I could get hurt or wet and even if that happened he could do something about it. I made the jump and landed without any trouble. We then went left. I wasn’t paying much attention to the woods. I occasionally glanced to make sure I kept up. We stopped at the bamboo forest. Normal I crisscross the stream that runs right through it because I can’t squeeze through the stalks. He walked through the thickest of the bamboo. It took me a minute to remember that when you ap you can walk through things and this would be easy and short. We crossed the stream to get to the spot where I went when my father punched me and I called out for help and met Calmista. He sat down on the ground and I followed suit.

He closed his eyes and I guessed that he was meditating. I wondered if he was going to do this every time we met and guessed that I better follow the example. I must have spent about ten seconds doing it before I got bored and distracted by the environment around me. After a while he opened his eyes and I thought we would move on to something more interesting. He asked why I wasn’t meditating. Opps, I had totally forgotten about it. I couldn’t think of a good excuse and said I didn’t know. Nothing was said for half a minute. I closed my eyes and made myself focus. I needed something to focus on. I wondered if I could use him. At first I backed away from that idea and then thought about it again. Why not? Surely he wouldn’t mind. Heck, it might do something good to me. I turned my mind to him. I felt him, slowly, timidly. He did nothing. I felt this awesome amount of strength. I remember about two years ago I wrote a dairy entry about this strength. This strength was now flowing through me. For some time this kept on and then I got bored and opened my eyes. I wanted to sleep. My mind needed rest along with my body. He said that I would come that night. When I came home from work I could rest for fifteen minutes and then would meditate for another fifteen and then ap. He then added that I was not allowed to get online after work. I was willing to meditate and train, but I would not go quietly about the internet. He wouldn’t argue so I left. I figured I was highly addicted to the internet, but I had too much my of life tied up to the web. I had a site to manage, I had newbies to answer questions, I had friends to talk to, I had sites to look and post on.

During work I realized a reason why I had to get on. I had a new friend that I had sent my log to him and said that I would be on that night. I had to keep that promise. I wondered if I had any chance of getting Yoda to let me on and delay training. I was already on thin ice, but I thought if I put it the right way and promise to be good, I could. When my break came I repeatly called loudly for him. It would take too long to go find him and I only had fifteen minutes. Plus I didn’t want a manager catching me looking like I was sleeping. He came and I told him my situation. He said yes. I thanked him and the rest of the evening wasn’t all that bad despite the pouring rain.

When I came home I had to first help my dad, who had surgery the day before. I was highly annoyed at the delay, but it wasn’t my fault. Then I had a lot of trouble trying to find this guy and then Paul came on. Half an hour later the lights blinked and I asked for another five minutes. Paul had gone for a minute and I didn’t want to leave with him still on. When I did get off my father talked to me for about twenty minutes and then I had to get ready for bed. I remembered that I rubbed my very sore feet before I settled into the bed. I did make myself meditate, but not in the normal sense. I imaged someone messaging my upper back and the message seemed to take over my imagination. When it was done I was thoroughly relaxed and just about purring in happiness when I aped. I went for the same place at the end of my drive way to meet Yoda again. This time he took me to the park and to this spot by the river. I stood there, staring at the river. It was daylight, although at the time I didn’t notice it. Suddenly it felt like someone had badly startled me and I was back in my body again. I went to bed rather confused, wondering why I was brought to that spot.

[JediKaren]

Shielded Thoughts
This was one of my days off where I slept in until eight and stayed groggy until I gave up and was going to sleep. A voiced told me to lay on my back. I had no idea who this way because all spirits sound the same. Calmista is the only exception to this rule and even so I have trouble telling her apart. I did not want to lie on my back and pulled the blanket over my head and mentally refused to as told. The voice repeated this order many times until I got sick of it and rolled over on my back. I complained of an urgent need for a bathroom and was told to go take care of that need. I decide to play mean and said that they should make up their mind.
Once I was back I lay on my back. I asked who this was and was told this was Yoda. All I could think of to say was “oh” and tried hard not to blush. I thought something in my mind and he commented on it. I wished that he wouldn’t do that. He said that I shouldn’t think so loudly. I think loudly? How can one think loudly? How can someone control the volume of their thoughts? Is there any volume to thoughts? The answer of course was yes. For my other questions I was asked how one talks quietly. The answer to that was one quiets down their voice. This meant I would have to lower the volume of my thinking. I did so. I was told he could still hear me. I quieted more and more until I was down to the quietest whisper and was told he could still hear me. He said that I would have to shield my thoughts. I had no clue how to do that. Some how all my strength was zapped in this sleepiness. I asked about last night and why was I brought to that stream. He said that I should go back and figure out for myself. I gave up after a while and fell asleep.
I went to the woods as told with a camera. I wanted to give people a very good idea of the path I traveled. It was the only seeing proof of my trip. When I got to the stepping stones I found the river incredibly flooded. It wasn’t nearly this up when I aped there. I spent the walk taking pictures on a low battery camera, being shocked at the damage this 200 year rain had done. I went to the bamboo forest and took a few pictures there. Then I went to the other spot. Besides the incredibly over flowed river I couldn’t see why I was there. I went back home.
That evening I aped to my room where I met him again. He led me to the other side of the forest by way of the neighborhood. We walked pass the playground and stopped shortly after. We started arguing about how well I knew these woods. My side was that I had walked in these woods a ton of times and could name and picture all the interesting things. I even had walked through, feeling the Force through me. He said that I did not know every tree and every leaf. I said that was impossible. He challenged me to draw the woods both then and the next day, in real life. In my hands appeared a black small drawing book that I have in my house. I remembered that I had packed that and told him. Then appeared a bigger drawing book that I also had. I remembered where it was and knew I could get it. Finally the drawing book was replaced with a piece of paper and I got his point. I also had a pencil so I started drawing. The truth is, it’s not very easy to draw woods when it all looks the same and you have to do details. I got bored of it pretty quickly and stopped drawing. An artist can’t draw something they really don’t want to draw. I was told to then draw it the next day and also there is a deer that comes to this spot at noon. I laughed and said he must be wrong. I hadn’t seen any deer in this part of the park for months and months. The last time I saw deer in this spot was several years ago. I left and went to sleep.

[JediKaren]

Deer!
I went to the park with the bigger drawing book mentioned in the entry before. I went to the spot we were the night before, but there were kids and parents standing there. I walked past them, to a small path and went next to the river. It was noon and I didn’t see any deer. I was having fun thinking about how to rub in his face the fact that there weren’t any deer and he was wrong. I was told by a voice in my head that wasn’t mine to wait.
I went to the stream and sat down. I tried drawing a few trees, but it wasn’t working for me. I then decided to draw the river because there were more elements to draw that were easier. The drawing wasn’t working too well. I kept at it though until I was startled by a sound that sounded like a sneeze. I looked around and about 15 yards away was a deer. She was staring right at me, snorting as much as a deer can and stomping her front leg. I didn’t need empathy to tell this deer was angry. I realized that I was on her land. I got up and walked towards my left to find that the raging stream was blocking me. I went past the deer, being scared of it, and went a long way around her. I was going to come back the way I got there, but the deer appeared there. So I fought my way through the marshy forest to the path. I started laughing. It struck me so funny that I was afraid of a deer and I was completely wrong about the deer thing. I knew I would never live this down, but it was funny.
Work was very stressful and horribly painful. For some reason I was dead tired to the point that caffeine would do nothing for me. When I got home I was limping. Once in bed I lay there wishing the pain would stop. Calmista had me lie down still in my bed. Then she had me ap to her room where she rubbed my feet and legs. Because there was no real damage there wasn’t much she could do. She gave me something for the pain, but it didn’t do much. Yoda was there and he finally asked me if I wanted to train. I had no real answer other than I wanted the pain to go away. He locked eyes with me and I felt him go in. I felt faint and like someone was forcing me back into my body. I realized I was going to train back home.
I aply curled up on my toy chest, too sore in real life to want to walk. He came and I got up. He took me to the last, near by park. All three parks are the same park, broken up by streets. We walked through it to this spot where I lay down. For a while nothing happened, nothing was said. I asked how he knew about the deer and he wouldn’t tell me. He then said that he had homework for me. I was to go back to this park and look around. I would report back to him the next night on what I saw. We went back to my body where I tried to get some sleep and ignore the pain ridden legs and feet.

[Vamp]

This is really corny, do you believe your self to be a " Jedi " ?

[JediKaren]

short answer: yes.
If you don't believe it, don't read it and don't comment.