JK's Third AP Log

[linkmaster03]

That's crazy.

[JediKaren]

Ok I admit I was stupid and wrong to refuse training last night. I stayed up to study for a test and was really tired. I though I was going to fall asleep in a few minutes of lying down, so I refused to train. Only then I daydreamed about my story and stayed up for an hour before being really dead tired and getting not enough hours. I took the test, but I could have no studied at all. I was completely unready for that test, focusing on conscepts and big picture themes rather than dates, names, and the less important terms. In defense the study guide was fairly useless in having me study the right stuff and this was my first test with a teacher I knew nothing about. I feel so stupid right now. I wasted everyone's time and energy. On top of all that, there seems to be more problems pretty much everywhere else in my life. Arg, I'm so stressed out. I just wish the drama would stop and I could get my feet back on ground I know.

[JediKaren]

So I finally aped...yay! happydance4.gif

I said I was sorry to Yoda for putting this all off and what not and then I was astral teleported to this bar. It was literally like one of those old time everything made out of wood bar, with a lot of guys sitting around, drinking and talking. My dad showed up and was trying to get near me and I kept trying to get away from him. Finally, out of annoyance and not wanting everyone to be watching this, I projected myself out of the bar. My dad was getting more aggressive and continued to resist him without harming him. Yoda said to come back to bar so I did and got away from my dad for a moment. Then he came after me and well somehow I got my pants taken off me (I think I've blocked that out of my memory last night) and he was going to go further, but I kicked him or something so he was unconscious. I looked around and all the guys were staring at me, ready to fight. I drew out my lightsaber and several attempted to attack me, but I used my lightsaber to burn them, but not cut through anything (or so I didn't see anything). At that point my blood was pounding, heart racing, and I felt like I could kick anyone's butt. I looked around as if to ask "who's next?" and suddenly the room faded into this empty training room. I saw Yoda was there, looking at me. I looked down and realized I still had no pants on (*dies in embarrassment*) and quickly imagined pants on (*still dying in embarrassment*). He had me go over what I did wrong like not have a sooner, more aggressive defense reaction. I also should have put pants on. There were some other things, but I can't remember them (heck I'm dead tired today). Afterwards I went to bed and I'm surprised I could sleep after that.

[JediKaren]

Ok, I've done and been through some crazy stuff. I've been through astral trips that I have definitely wondered if I'm sane or not or what this just some beyond crazy dream, but this, this seems to out do everything. This alone does not make sense, but somehow is all too real.

I was asked to go to the council. Ok backup, I had been asked to go to the council for the last two days and because of the late hour or extremely high school related stress levels, I've been refusing. Last night I couldn't think up any good reason not to go other than I didn't want to go. I was fairly calm, happy, at peace, and so on. Of course Obi Wan, the one that got me to go in the first place, was there to give me that last "you can do it" pep rally talk. I admit I was nervous. Maybe not as nervous as usual. I managed to get myself to walk into the room (a feat much harder than it sounds) by telling myself just to take this step by step. Well I got in and stood there. The mark, thingy, spot tingling between my eye brows was driving me crazy. It was really strong. Then I felt the minds of everyone. Yeah, you read that right. I could feel at least twelve minds in my head at once. I'm not sure if I connected to them or they connected to me. It also felt like my energy awareness in the room was going crazy as well and had gone out of control. I admit it was scaring me pretty bad.

Suddenly it feels like I've stop projection and that I simply exist in this pure black nothingness. I had no body, no arms or legs. There was nothing there. It was like I existed without a body in a plane of nothingness. I can't really explain it very well. There was a voice though, it was probably astral telepathy or something speaking to me telling me what was going on. I was on the mental plane, the one above the astral plane. I was told not to resist it. I was going to my next step of training. I was going to the next level of energy, power, knowledge and what not. It actually sounded like something I wrote a while ago. I asked how did I know all of this was real if I wrote about it. I was told there was no way for them prove it. And yes, I knew about this, I just never had explored it.

I then felt something happen to my mind. I can't explain what it was, but it was slightly painfully and highly disturbing. It err also aroused me err well you can guess where. I was told this was natural, but I wonder if it was just not my own crazy, still virgin without a boyfriend body. I dunno. That's a part I really didn't like. Anyway when it ended I found myself back in the council room. I stood there for a second before collapsing on the floor, unable to move. I didn't want to move. I was tired. Someone picked me up in their arms and carried me to a healer's bed. I stayed there for a bit, wanting to return to my body. My head still sort of hurt and I wanted sleep. It felt like I was in some sort of light trance, unable to return to my body without having to work to get there.

Finally I did and it did hurt some. I felt like I had gone through an overload that hadn't quite hit me fully. I could still feel a ton of weird, strong energy in me. I was told by two separate people not to touch the raging energy inside of me. I wanted to because I wanted to see what it was, but everything I barely started opening myself, my head hurt worse, so I didn't.

I fell asleep and even dreamed about this weird energy flowing through me. I asked a friend to scan me and ask if I felt different. He said yes like he was shocked. I kept waking up and going back to sleep, feeling really sleepy and confused.

I have no idea what that was all about, but I know by the slight pain in my head, it happened. I still want to touch that energy, but before anyone yells at me, I know not to. I still want to see what it is, what it can do, and how strong is it really. Maybe that will tonight's trip.

[JediKaren]

This happened a few hours ago....

I was going to take a nap when I settled down in bed when Obi Wan told me that Yoda wanted to see me. I've been bugged about this last night, but it was 2am in the morning and I badly needed sleep then (they have this horrible habit of picking the worse times ever). Well I tried asking what on earth was so important, but I couldn't get a straight answer, just something about this new energy I had been exposed to. I didn't see what the importance in this energy was. It wasn't like it was affecting me. I was wrong about that. Headaches, stronger empathy, tiredness were all part of this even though I was being good and not touching it. Apparently I needed some sort of "attuning" or something to this energy.

Well I decided just to ap and see what he wanted from me so I could get some sleep. I was told to close my astral eyes. I did and was told to relax. That took a little while to do, but I did. I felt the strange, new energy around me. It was really really strong. It was like a different strength and feel than anything I have felt. It felt like it was burning, not in a physical pain way, but mentally it did. It felt like every nerve in my mind was being burn off and overloaded. A headache in the back of my head started, the same place where I get a headache from energy and empathy overloads. Only this headache was not as bad as usual. I slightly drew on the energy, but it really was too much. Then I started thinking about it and stop projecting.

I was thinking about why am I being exposed to this really strong energy if it's hurting me. So I thought about tanning and that the only way to get use to the sun's energy is by being exposed to it and getting burned. But that didn't sound right because when you get exposed too much sun you get cancer. Then I started thinking about how can people use this strong energy and not suffer from it? Or do they and I just haven't read/heard about it? Well I didn't have an answer and then remembered I was suppose to be feeling the energy, but decided I wanted sleep. Only to find for an hour I couldn't sleep and gave up.

[JediKaren]

Ok, I give in. I'm sick, I keep trying to sleep and I get told to ap to either meditate or go to a healer. I haven't been wanting ap and certainly not do either. But the catch is I keep getting told if I don't go, I'll have nightmares, and then I do. They are probably from the fevers that I keep running (sleep seems to bring them on) and I'm really really sick of having them. They are really nasty, scary as anything, violently angry, vivid (I'm running out of words) nightmares. They don't last long in my memory, but they're bad. They could also be attached with my mom getting her biopsy today (not entirely sure what that involves other than taking cells out of her to look at for cancer treatment), but I have only known about her biopsy since yesterday and I've been having nightmares for three days now. I dunno. I really hope not. I hate forseeing the future in dreams and it's always in nightmare form.

[JediKaren]

I was going to take a nap this evening to rest up more on this stupid cold/flu whatever I have when Mirmo demanded that I let him look over me in his healer's office. I went, got poked, prodded, and stuck with not fun needles. I stopped aping to sleep and turned on my side. Mirmo wanted me to sleep on my back, much like Calmista demands that I do and frankly it's so uncomfortable. I much rather curl up into a ball and sleep that way, but Mirmo said it would bring nightmares and I guess he had a point. Calmista says it's a position of fear, again I suppose it's true. A lot of fearful thought were running through my head and Mirmo said either get on my back or he was bring to get Yoda involved with this and he knows I don't want to bother Yoda (after running a site for three years and moding various other sites, I know how annoying it can get to have some immature brat demand your attention either by asking for it, or doing something bad). Somehow I managed to fall asleep before anything else happened and had a dreamless sleep for once.

I woke up with a start and calmed down to realized I hadn't dreamed for once and the nap was a short one. But at least I wasn't burning up hot and feeling worse than before I went to sleep (yay, getting better!!!!) Yoda then pressured me into talking about my fears so I talked a tiny bit about my mom, just one of too many fears that are bothering me these days before I broke into a coughing fit that wouldn't go away. He said that I could get up and thus end this not fun session. So I went online to find out that Scythe, a real life into Jedism friend who helped me a lot getting through my first year of college and moving past my past, abusive life. Scythe is the type that I know will make me talk about my fears and it was so obvious that Yoda knew he would be on and knew Scythe is an easier person to talk to.

I did talk to Scythe, but not too much about my fears. Scythe like to encourage me to meet new people and get out of my dorm room, something I'm bad about. Oh well, sounds like I can't get out of talking my fears. I guess I need to after nightmare after nightmare with this stupid cold and me going back home for spring break. I just hate going through all these fears. It feels like someone is trying to drag me like a cat, out from under a couch and rubbing my fur the wrong way.